Sunday, December 16, 2012

Shower Temperature

I got rather good at figuring out how to do shower temperatures.

Single Knob controls: turn it all the way hot, leave it run until it's actually all the way hot (usually five minutes), then turn it down to the magic "just right" spot if you already know it. If you don't already know it, twist it about a fourth of the way along the allowed range, and wait a couple minutes. Adjust a tiny bit, wait a couple mins, repeat as needed until the "just right" spot is found. Memorize the spot.

Two Knob controls: turn the hot water all the way on, leave it run until it's all the way hot (usually five minutes). Turn the hot water down halfway and add cold slowly until it's the right temperature.

My old shower was a two knob, but it was tricky. After five minutes of running, it would appear to be done heating up, but if you adjust the temperature at that point every couple of minutes during the shower you'll need to change the temperature back down. So you have to wait another two minutes before turning the temperature down.

My current shower is a single knob, and it is the devil. The way single knobs are supposed to work, each spot on the run has a set temperature. The way this one actually works, it randomly decides what temperature it should be based on how much you moved it from the previous one, except it increases the change exponentially. So moving it too far, all of a sudden you have cold water in the middle of the hot side of the range. To make matters worse, no matter how long you let it run or what temperature you finally wrangle it in to, every two minutes it will randomly change to either hotter or colder. And how much of a change either way varies so much that you could end up with a workable temperature, or you could end up being scalded by the shower. Where the knob is on the range seems to have no bearing on whether it gets hotter, colder, or by how much.

Now, it's possible I just haven't figured out the trick of it yet. It's possible that I've just been impatient, and not letting it sit long enough between temperature changes. It's possible that the only thing wrong with the shower is that it shares hot and cold water with the rest of the building so anyone in any of the eleven other apartments could be messing it up for me. But I only just a few years ago got over my phobia of bathrooms, and the longer this continues the worse I'm going to have to fight it, and the more likely it is that I'll be so tense about the shower that I'll be unable to give it the time it needs to heat up and change temperature.

Besides, I swear the shower just WAITS until I'm actually under the water to change temperatures on me.

My wish- they would come out with Enterprise-like showers, not in space, just in temperature control. We tell the computer hotter or colder, and it remembers what temperature we like. It could start at baby-bath temperature to make sure no one is ever actually hurt by the water (seriously, there was one shower where if you weren't careful, you'd get burned by it).


On Monday my period started and I got sick. I stayed up most of the night until my nose stopped being a fountain so I could sleep without drowning in snot, and spent Tuesday alternating between being awake and being asleep. On Tuesday, I couldn't eat anything because everything made me want to throw up, so I've been slowly getting my body used to food again for the past week, while I cough up flegm.

Today I went to get Paraguard, an IUD. They recommended that I take 800 mg of Ibuprofen, which translates into 4 pills of it, about an hour before the appointment. 15 minutes into the appointment, I got really woozy. I feel like I have cramps, and I'm still kinda bleeding. It might be a few days before I can cam again. I'm still really woozy, from lack of sleep, lack of food, and painkillers (after the appointment, I slept awhile, woke up to intense pain, took 3 more ibuprofen, and went back to sleep for another few hours).

I will be checking my hotmail and mfc mail, so if anyone is interested in the videos in my store but doesn't want to use clips4sale to purchase them, get in touch with me one way or the other. I'll let you know if I have it and what price it is (general prices are $1 or 10 tokens per 30 seconds, rounded to the nearest 30 secs. 14 rounds down, 15 rounds up, 44 rounds down, 45 rounds up. Unless it's one of my findom films, which are the ignore ones). DO NOT send the money before I confirm the price and whether or not I actually have the vid. Please do send the video title, description, claimed length, and filename, so I can verify, because there are a few on the site where I have a different video named the same as the title, but it's a different length and different filename.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Dream Car

I've been through a lot of cars. I'm not going to go into details about how or why, but I've been through a lot. So I have a pretty good idea by now of what I want to drive, and be driven around in (since when my partner and I have two cars, we usually take mine and he drives if he's with me).

Size and Shape:

I really liked driving my 2006 Kia Spectra. So that would be my ideal size and shape. However, that size might not be big enough to contain everything I want in the car, so I'm willing to go up to the size of the 2006 Honda Accord that I drove.


I want it to be easy to do self-maintenance on the engine. Oh, I'll take it to the shop until the warranties are out, but once they're out, I want to learn how to do the tune ups and oil changes. It needs to get good gas mileage, but I also want it strong enough to be able to tow a small flatbed.


Two seats up front, two seats in back. Back seats need to fold down to extend the trunk, and I want the hole between the backseat and the trunk to be as big as allowed by the frame of the car. None of this blocking off all but half of it that all the new cars like to do.

I prefer cloth seats. I just don't like how leather burns my ass in the summer and freezes it in the winter. I want the front seats to be able to go all the way back, and I want all the seats to be comfortable.

Cupholders and storage:

One of the cars I had, in the door there was a place for a water bottle, along with the usual paper-holder. I want that. I've seen cars that have cupholders right behind the shifter, followed by a storage compartment, and finally cupholders that could fold up and drop back down for the back seats. This is the ideal setup for me.

I've never understood why there can't be more storage under the back seats. If it's possible, then I'd like that in my car. If it's not possible, then I guess I'll have to deal with it. I like the idea of a hidey-hole in the headrests where I can put emergency supplies, like matches, a swiss army knife, and some emergency cash. Under the backseat would go bigger emergency supplies, like jumper cables, blankets, foldable road cones, flares, a gas can, and a toolbox. That way, when I put groceries in the trunk, I don't have to worry about that stuff touching the food.

Of course, the trunk will have the usual lift up the bottom to get to the spare. If it won't sacrifice too much gas mileage, I'd like an actual spare, not the dinky donuts. It doesn't have to be a full sized spare, but an actual spare tire.


Quality sound. Can take usb, audio cables, sd cards, and cd's up front. Hooked up to it is a 10-cd changer, that I understand is usually in the trunk of the car.


I would like two power outlets under the rear cupholders. I would also like two power outlets and one cigarette lighter under the radio. No ashtray needed, though an indent for change would be nice.


I like white exterior with tan interior. Dunno why, I just do.

So there you have it, that's what my dream car is like. I don't even know if some of it is possible, but it would be so nice. ^_^

Friday, December 7, 2012

Global Warming

Many people don't think global warming exists. They are wrong. It's definitely getting warmer and warmer every year. When there's a "record low", they mean record for the last 20 years, not as low as it was 100 years ago. Did humans make it happen? I don't know. I know the Earth has temperature cycles, and I think we would have to deal with a warming no matter what. But I also know that it doesn't usually get warm enough to melt the polar ice caps, and that it might this time.

If it does, there won't be enough land left for humans to live on. We'll have to find new ways of living between now and then, but no one seems to be thinking about it. Well, here's my thoughts:

1. Land- learning to build cities underground and as skyscrapers. Learning how to farm indoors. Learning how to make indoor gardens and maybe even indoor forests would definitely help. These things can then be translated into the next two areas.

2. Sea- we need to discover how to make buildings that can work under the ocean, or on the ocean. I think under would be safer during storms, but not too far under, because of the giant sea-creatures down there. Or maybe they can make them on the sea, and figure out how to protect them from the giant waves that happen when it's stormy.

3. Space- learning to make space stations that can support countries instead of just a village. Exploring ways of living on the moon, and living on mars. Maybe green-house gasses could be used to create an atmosphere around them? I don't know enough about science to say how this can happen, but it needs to be explored at the very least.

These are the things science needs to be working on, so that we can live during the years when there is so little land on earth. Heck, if all the people live on the ocean and in space, the land can be used for plants and animals.

If you think it can't be done... look at zoos and aquariums  Seriously, they build tanks to hold that much water in, can't they use the same concepts to keep that much water out? They already make habitats inside for the animals that need climate control. So don't laugh at me for thinking this. It needs to happen.

Alright, I'm done with my soapbox for today.

Thursday, November 22, 2012


I am reading Sociopath World. The author divides the world into three types of people:

empaths, those who feel emotion, also called normal
narcissists, those who trick themselves into thinking they are normal, but aren't really
sociopaths, those who don't feel emotion, and recognize they don't, but mimic emotion

Myself, I would break the "empaths" into two groups: normal people and empaths. Normal people are normal. Empaths have a heightened emotional awareness, able to feel the connections with other people. Empaths are the ones where it's really hard to sneak up on them, the ones who know who is on the other side of the door or phone before actually looking. Empaths can look into a person's heart, and are really good at soothing away the bad emotions, usually by taking them into themselves.

To a sociopath, I doubt they could tell the difference between a true empath and the rest of humanity. But.. well, I think a sociopath is a good partner for an empath. With a normal person, an empath will constantly be inundated with another person's emotions. He or she has to learn to separate his or her own emotions from the outside emotions which want to sway him or her. I remember lying in bed below a fighting couple in the apartment above me and having to separate out their anger and pain so I wouldn't feel anger and pain for no reason. Their fight was done, they were asleep, but their anger and pain were growing inside them and invading me. But with a sociopath, I don't have to feel his emotions, I can just look at them, since they are only on the surface.

Of course, the partner must be a high-functioning sociopath. One whose wants don't conflict with society too much, one who makes the effort to have friends because they want friends, not just to manipulate them. And for an empath, having a sociopathic partner who gives off the false impression of caring by helping people is ideal. Is having a true empath around good for a sociopath? I don't know. I'd like to think so.

I'm sure there are more emotional classes of humans, but I think four covers everything I can think of.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Shel Silverstein

There's very little I remember about my time with my biological family. After all, it effectively ended when I was 6 and a half. I do remember an entire wall of bookshelves from the second house I lived in with them. The very first poetry I can remember being introduced to came from Shel Silverstein's collection. I believe those two books belonged to my mother, they were

A Light in the Attic
Where the Sidewalk Ends

My favorite was the one about the person being eaten by a boa constrictor. My second favorite was Hug O War.

As a college student studying to be a teacher, I was given The Missing Piece. I remember hearing about The Giving Tree, and seeing it somewhere. I know I've heard about Falling Up, and I think I've read it.

Honestly, I would say that Shel Silverstein is one of those must-haves for any parent of youngish children. By that, I mean 6-10. Those poems are great for a read-aloud, and it's important to read to your children. (I know, I've never had a child, but I was studying to be a teacher! Of course I had to learn what's important for a child's mind.) The stories and the poems of this author are awesome for opening minds and sparking imagination. What parent wouldn't want to give those two things to their children?

(Also, I'd love to buy the collection of books for myself... x.x)

Friday, October 26, 2012

The Correct Way to hang Toilet Paper

Toilet paper is a subject for which many people have a strong opinion. We have to use it all the time, so it kinda makes sense that people would have a strong opinion. For years, those who hang it to the front and those who hang it to the back have debated over which is the "correct" way to hang toilet paper. Good news! I have the answer that will end this heated debate!

Those in the "To the Front" camp are concerned with ease. It's so much easier to rip off a sheet of toilet paper without letting it trail all the way to the floor when the toilet paper is hanging to the front. So for a good portion of the population, to the front is the correct way to hang the toilet paper.

Those in the "to the back" camp are concerned with the toilet paper being played with and wasted on the floor. If you have pets or children, there is a good chance they will see front-hanging toilet paper as a free-for-all. So, for those with pets or children, to the back is the correct way to hang the toilet paper.

Further, most people grew up in a household with the toilet paper hanging to the back, because they grew up in a household with children, and usually pets as well. Therefore, most people are used to having to deal with tearing the paper when it is hung to the back. Thus, it's probably best if the world hangs their toilet paper to the back so that people don't get too used to the easy way to tear it and throw a fit when they visit friends with pets or children.

So the correct way to hang toilet paper is to the back, because that keeps the kids and pets out of it, and helps those who visit people with kids and/or pets will have to get used to it.

See, isn't that easy?

Personally, I don't really care about being correct in instances of opinion, so I'll continue hanging my toilet paper to the front, and grumble to myself when I visit family and friends. After all, they're doing it right :P

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Hopefully the only Political Post I'll Make

There are four things a President can do when it's not wartime that actually affects how this country is run.

1. Suggest policy to Congress
2. Veto Bills Congress Tries to Pass
3. Appoint people to important positions within the white house
4. Appoint a new Supreme Court Justice if one of the current ones dies or resigns.

Everybody's talking about what Obama has and hasn't done, but what they fail to understand is that Obama CAN'T MAKE THE LAWS from the President's Chair. The President does not make laws. He suggests them, and he vetos ones that Congress makes and he doesn't agree with.

So, what has Obama *actually* done? He's actually done more than any other president within the small scope he legally claims.

Why am I against Romney? Well, if a Justice of the Supreme Court Dies, Women and Gay people are fucked for another... however long. Because right now, one new person for the Republicans will allow the Supreme Court to block abortion. And will allow the Supreme Court to block gay marriage, and gay right's movements.

What can Romney or Obama do for the health care? Pass or block a law congress puts in writing.
What can they do about the Economy? Pass or block a law that congress puts in writing.
What can they do about gun control? Pass or block a law that congress puts in writing.

What can they do about Women's Rights and the LGBT community's rights?
-Pass or block laws that congress puts in writing.
-Appoint Justices to the Supreme Court

And the most direct thing they can do:
-Appoint Women and LGBT people to offices in the white house.

So you see, everybody is so worried about how the President will affect the Economy or the Health Care industry. What you don't get, is that such things are mostly about Congress. The President can't do SHIT about those things if Congress doesn't write a law he agrees with. The Republicans like to blame the current health care bill on Obama. Well, yes, Obama signed it and pushed for it, but CONGRESS HAD TO WRITE IT.

If you elect Romney, here's what's likely to happen:
-The Rich will get more tax cuts, which will go into their savings accounts, yachts, houses, and such.
-The economy will continue to decline, because the middle class will still have no spending money (because Romney will block those bills)
-The Supreme Court might rule that states are allowed to outlaw abortion if they choose.
-The Supreme Court will probably not rule that gay people cannot be discriminated against in the workplace and while searching for apartments (did you not know? In some states, a person can be kicked out of their home for being gay. That's fucked up.)
-The Supreme Court will probably not rule that gay people can adopt, barring thousands of parents from adopting thousands of children.

If you elect Obama, here's what's likely to happen:
-Taxes will probably stay where they are.
-If Congress can figure out how to give the middle class some spending money, the economy can start to grow again (because Obama will sign those bills)
-More Women and openly LGBT people will be given the chance to show that they are just like everybody else, just as capable as everybody else
-The Supreme Court might rule that states must allow abortion clinics to continue
-The Supreme Court might rule that gay people cannot be discriminated against in the workforce and in a hunt for a home
-The Supreme Court might rule that gay people can adopt, allowing thousands of parents to adopt thousands of children

So there you have it.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Body Image

Like all women, I'm a little self-conscious about my body. I loved the way I looked when I first started camming, but I've been gaining weight. That wouldn't bother me, except for the other problems- the shortness of breath, the lack of energy, the lack of strength and stamina.

So when I say "I want to get in shape", what I mean is:
-I want to be able to dance through the night without running out of breath
-I want to be able to sing again
-I want to be able to lift the boxes that were slightly heavy two years ago and seem impossible now

I do not mean:
-I want to fit into my old clothes
-I want to be skinny/muscular/whatever specific physical appearance

Yes, I would love to fit into my old clothes, and I would love for my thighs to go back to not rubbing against each other, my ass-checks going back to being self-spreading. I'm not holding my breath over those things, and I'm not going to be upset if they don't happen. Instead, my goal is to simply keep myself from blowing up like a balloon, and failing that, I'd like to be in shape, if not a specific shape.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Tantric Sex- you mean, that's not just how it's done?

Every once in awhile, I get people asking about "tantric sex". It sounds exotic. It sounds like... work.

I decided to look it up. Google led me to the following article:

"Tantra challenged the acetic beliefs of that time, purporting that sexuality was a doorway to the divine, and that earthly pleasures, such as eating, dancing and creative expression were sacred acts."

"Tantric sexual practices teach us to prolong the act of making love and to utilize potent orgasmic energies more effectively."


I been doing Tantric sex the entire time I've been sexual without even knowing it! I mean seriously.. when I have sex with a man, he is my god for that moment, and I am his goddess. We both do what we can to prolong the experience because it's so incredible that neither of us wants it to end. This is why I'm picky about my partners irl- I refuse to couple with anyone who won't take their time and do it right. Another requirement is some sort of mental/spiritual connection HAS to happen. And that's addictive. It also means that those men are left unable to couple with just anyone, because they start to need that deeper connection. I make sex special, and the men can't stand anything less than special anymore. (I'm not saying I'm the only woman who does, just that few do it naturally).

So yeah, "Tantric sex"? I thought that was just... sex, as it should be.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Move + car troubles = happy face somehow?

So, last week Wednesday, partner and I signed for a new apartment. We have until October 16th to get the old apartment emptied and cleaned. This means my cam-times are screwy, of course. And moving is expensive, stressful, and complicated.

On top of that, our car is throwing a hissy fit, so we have to pay to get it fixed. And I need my own car since he's gone most of the day for work and/or school.

Yet somehow, I feel good. I mean really good. Maybe it's because I've been focusing on positive instead of negative in my private life. Maybe it's because partner has stopped being an asshole and has become the support I need. Maybe it's because we're finally moving forward instead of staying stuck in our rut.

Anyway, we need money fast. So I'm doing an October video special. check it out on the other page. Payoneer will load in about 2-3 business days from when you send the payment, and then I can just go to the bank and withdraw most of it. Even though the money would be awesome sooner, I'm running this special for all of October, cause you guys are awesome and deserve a break.

The site I'm uploading them to has a 1 gb per file limit, but allows for zip folders, so I made movie packs. They are based on a group of vids that have similar themes, and the whole group of each is less than 1gb. Since my vids are all over the place in terms of size, this leads to very variable packages. I've tried to price them fairly.

Of course, donations with no video request are always welcome :)

In other news: GUILD WARS 2 IS AWESOME!

And I'm getting better at video games in general. HUZZAH!

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

My Reason

I don't know if I've ever put this out here. If I have, I apologize for the repeat post.

Some girls get on camera because they want to make money. Some girls get on camera because they need to make money and that's the only way they can. Some girls get on camera because they want to get paid for cumming. Some girls get on camera to chat with the guys.

Me, I get on camera to make men happy. I want to get paid to make men happy, but that's just because if I don't get paid for it I won't be able to continue doing it. I have to keep up electricity, heating, water, and internet in a secure place in order to cam. This means I have to pay for housing. I have to be able to feel sexy, otherwise I'll just be another pity case, which is not what I'm here for. So I have to keep up my hygeine, which means paying for cleaning products, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, razors, bath soap, and hand soap. I also have to buy cute things to wear, because clothes don't last forever no matter how well you take care of them. Thus, I have to get paid for the time I spend camming.

But I'm there to make you happy. I'm there to make as many men happy as I possibly can. This also means that I have to continue to be capable of making men happy. Thus, I turn down things that would lessen my ability to please the next person who comes in. This means anything that would hurt me physically. It also means anything that would leave me crying. The object is for me to be physically and mentally healthy in order to be able to please you.

I call myself a submissive. I am submissive because my main goal is to please people. But since there's no responsibility for my safety on your end, I have to make sure I take care of me. Someone once told me, when I was burning myself out, that in order to please others I have to take care of myself, otherwise I'll end up not being fit to please others. So I do it. When I say "no", it's for a reason. That reason might be that it would hurt me. That reason might be because it would violate a site rule, and I can't afford to be fined, let alone banned, if they catch me.

There was another point to this.

I have a lot of guys get concerned about making sure that I cum. This is awesome and gentlemanly, but it's not the point of me being online. My point is making sure that you cum. If I manage to cum before you do, please don't end the show. I'm female, I don't lose a boner just cause I came. Meaning, I can keep going,  and build up to a new cum, if you want. I understand some girls won't do another cum in private, I'm not them. But honestly, some of my favorite privates, I was playing with myself but never came. I don't *need* to cum to feel that it was a good private, even if the private is a masturbation one. If you came, if you were happy with what you saw, I'm happy with what you saw.

Thursday, August 30, 2012


I am embarking on a journey, of a sort. It's not a physical journey. It's somewhere between mental, spiritual, and emotional. It's a journey to change my view of myself, so that I can have a better life.

Since I was 5, I believed myself to be ugly, lazy, useless, incompetent, unreliable, and slovenly. A few years ago, selfish was added to it. I got that way by believing what others told me about myself, and by the way people acted towards me. Especially people who claimed they loved me (and I really do believe they do, and didn't realize what they were doing to me), but verified by strangers.

Camming has taught me that I do have physical beauty. But it's easy for me to believe that some people might find me beautiful, because I've never believed that physical beauty mattered. I have also believed one thing about myself that actually mattered: that I am honest. That's possibly why accusations of dishonesty hurt so much- they are an attack at the only thing I can find within myself that makes me a worthwhile person.

Part of me knows that I am not such a horrible person. It knows this because there are some very wonderful people who care about me, and how would they care about me if I was so horrible? But this is a very small part of me, most of me believes these horrible things about myself. So my journey is to change this.

My partner has said "Don't think about it as you have been lying to yourself. Think of it as you have been wrong. It's not as painful." And he's right. I haven't been lying to myself, I've just been wrong about myself. So I am working on this. Small goals that are easy to complete, like picking up all the clothes in the apartment, or taking a walk. As I do the activity, I tell myself "see, you aren't lazy", "See, you aren't a slob." The important thing here is that I tell myself it while there is evidence that it is correct. If I say it without there being evidence, it's too easy to refute. I've tried it before, and it did no good.

I'm writing this, because maybe it can help someone in some way. Maybe someone else is struggling with the same thing. I've only done this for a few days, but I already start to feel better about myself. It's already starting to work. So if you've tried positive thinking, but it wasn't working for you, try it my way. Do something that shows you that what you're trying to believe about yourself is true, while you tell yourself the thing you are trying to believe.

The other part of this, is when I mess up. When I do something that embodies the version of myself I'm trying to stop believing in. My goal is to pass it off. "I made a mistake, I'm only human" for mind stuff or "It's okay to take a break from it, that doesn't make it who I am." for physical things. And bringing up a counter-example of the good things I did before. Example: "It's okay that I didn't put the shoes away. I got the underwear and socks in the laundry basket."

Another reason I tell you all this is so that you understand what's going on with me. I might be a little distant while I work on myself, because this is kinda critical. I really need to work on this, and that means spending a lot of time alone, without talking to many people.

And yes, I'm well aware that this is an invitation for trolls to start trying to make me want to kill myself. Well, trolls, you're going to lose that fight. I've been trying to make me kill myself for almost a decade, and I haven't succeeded yet. If I, who know myself so well, can't do it, why would you? If you try, I will ignore you, and ban you, and remind myself that you're just jealous of the fact that I'm working towards making myself better. If I say anything, it will be something along the lines of "I hope you learn to like yourself better. Have a nice day."

Now to finish brushing my hair so I can get on camera.

Saturday, August 25, 2012


There are many different noises a person can make that actually mean something. Here are examples of how I type these noises:

m- yes
mm or mmm- that's yummy/hot/sexy
hm or hmm- I'm thinking about something
n- I hear you, but I don't know what to say
hm?- I didn't quite catch that (usually if I think I misunderstood something)
oh?- I'm interested, tell me more!
oo- I like that!

note: if you've asked a yes or no question in the middle of our private/exclusive, and you need me to type my answer, I will use y and n as yes and no, but that's the ONLY time.

Friday, August 10, 2012

Cameltoe Definitions

Everyone seems to have a different definition of a cameltoe. Here's some of the ones I've heard:

-pulling panties tight enough to see the outline of the pussy lips
-pulling panties into the slit, giving a vaginal wedgie
-wearing tight pants that emphasize the outlines of the pussy lips
-having pussy lips that form the shape when revealed (This does describe mine, btw)

I know there's more, but these seem to be the four most common. What definitions have you heard?

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Spending Limits

I work for a site where they keep track of how much a person has spent a day so they can cut them off at a price that person determines. So if you know you can only spend $25, you can put the limit at $25 and be cut off when you've reached $25 so you don't get into debt. This is AWESOME. I want to take it a step further.

On this site, they also let girls set their own prices for shows. So that $25 could get you nearly half an hour, or only 2 minutes, depending on how much the girl charges. WHAT IF the site allowed guys to filter by how much the girls charge? I don't mean a lower limit, I mean an upper limit. A guy knows he can't get off in less than five minutes. If he only has $25, he's not going to want to be able to browse girls who have their shows up at $15 a minute.

We can also do gold shows, where we say that anyone who pays a set amount can watch the show that runs for a time we specify when we start the countdown. So we can do a day where, our normal price is $5 a min, but we'll decide what we do and offer them 10 mins for $25.

So what if he can put in an upper limit of $7 a minute, with an exception if a girl is offering a 10 min gold show for $25 or less? Then we don't get guys getting mad at us for our prices being out of their range- they won't see us.

I doubt this would ever be implemented, but it would be nice, wouldn't it?

Friday, July 20, 2012


The first time I was asked the question "What do you want?" I was speechless. Me? Want something? The idea was a novel concept. Throughout my life, all I'd ever focused on was getting what I knew I needed.

Now, the question "What do you want" still stumps me. What do I want? I want to have wings growing out my back so I can fly under my own power. I want to be able to swim without my eyes stinging, nose running, and lungs screaming for air. I want to not have to worry about what I need, because they are all supplied for me. I want diseases to either go away, or at least stop being contagious, so that I can touch anyone. I want to be able to experience my fantasies without having to fear the consequences of them. I want to be able to help anyone who needs it. I want to give a little bit of happiness to everyone in the world. I want my allergies to disappear. In short, I want the impossible. I doubt I'm alone in that though.

Along the lines of the more possible are the following:

I want my debts to disappear.
I want to be in shape.
I want to be loved.
I want to love.
I want to be able to make enough money, and explore my creative side.
I want to be able to finish my projects.
I want respect.

Along the lines of things that are possible, but not likely:

I want to come up with something to help foster children after they leave the system.
I want to teach.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Misconceptions revealed

The way a person is plays a big part in what a person likes. Using restraints as a guide, my partner determines how a person is by what they like: silk, chain, rope, leather, or vinyl. Since he is chain, he mostly gets along with people who are chain or rope, rope being the most like chain. Since I don't like to dwell on what I can't afford, I kept going for rope in the stores, and when he asked, he only mentioned rope and chain, so I naturally said rope. The problem with this, is that I'm leather.

If you treat leather like rope, you're going to run into problems. Rope you can use and discard, leather you have to care for after you use it. Rope you can put a lot of strain on before it stretches or breaks, leather can't take as much strain. In short, rope doesn't take as much time, effort, and money to care for as leather does.

So maybe this is the root of the problems. I've been trying to tell him I need to be treated like leather, and he's been thinking about it in terms of rope. This just came out today, btw, so we'll see where things lead after this development.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Fight the System

When getting a college education is necessary to get any job above minimum wage, but costs more than you can make at a minimum wage job...

When eliminating processed foods is healthier, but you can't keep non-processed food for more than a couple days and you can't spend the time going to the grocery store every day...

When having time to relax, to play, to socialize, and exercise have been proven important but just earning enough to live only leaves enough time for one of the essential four...

When we can't even understand the tax codes to be able to do our own taxes without help...

When tutoring one or two children requires a different skill set from teaching a class-full, but tutoring agencies require their tutors to be certified teachers...

When you can't drive a car without having insurance, even if you'd be more able to pay for the effects of an accident without insurance....

When doctors and hospitals charge individuals more than they charge an insurance company for the same procedure...

When you spend more on insurance than you can afford on health care, and then end up not being able to use the insurance for the problem you actually have...

When loan companies who own your debt look at how much you make before taxes instead of how much you have after living expenses...

When getting a car is vital to getting and keeping even a min wage job, but min wage doesn't cover the cost of maintaining a car...

When the people at the top are only interested in how much they can get out of you...

It's no wonder the average American is a selfish bastard. You almost have to be to get anywhere in this world. It's becoming harder and harder to change your social class in America, and that is not the spirit of this country. This is supposed to be the land of opportunity, but the only people who have opportunities anymore are those who were born with them. Those who are living in a minimum wage world find it impossible to break that cycle and get out of minimum wage jobs. Anyone born into the world above minimum wage, they see plenty of opportunities. Plenty of them end up on the bottom after a few mistakes, and they and their children are doomed to stay there without help.

What percentage of the population earns less than $20,000 a year? Because those are the people I'm talking about. Those are the people who are scraping the bottom. Minimum wage is at almost $8 an hour. If you assume 40 hours a week for 51 weeks a year (one week of vacation), that is $16,320 . That is what the goverment has decided a person needs to make to pay food, housing, necessities, and taxes, with maybe a dollar or two a month left over for something.

Monday, July 2, 2012

False Impressions

I leave a lot of people with the false impression that I trust them. This is because I'm plenty willing to talk about the bad things that happened in my life if it's over a few years old. So I will gladly tell you about how I was threatened at 5, touched inappropriately at 6, adopted at 13, almost committed suicide at 15, lost my virginity about a month before my 20th birthday, and the problems I had with my adoptive parents all throughout college.

Why will I tell you these things? Because nothing can really be done about them right now. Sometimes I will get very emotional telling them. Sometimes it will seem like I don't care (inside, I'll still be shaking). But the point here is- I tell them to anyone. Anyone who asks questions that lead to that information being a necessary part of the answer will gain that information. So just because I shared it with you doesn't mean I'm granting you any sort of trust.

It if happened more than a month ago, chances are it's not all that crucial to me anymore, and I'm just trying to get it out of my system. But knowing what's actually going on in my life on a day to day basis? The things that can actually be changed at the moment? The things where you might actually influence what's going on? Those take trust to talk about.

Friday, June 29, 2012

Info that might surprise you

1. On a majority of camsites, models do not start the show. It's the members who click the button to start the show, and when the members leave the show, the show ends. There are a very few exceptions to this. So if a model is in and out of private, don't assume that it's her choice. It's probably the members doing it. If you're new to a site, ask if they can start it! It's okay to admit that you don't know how things work on their end!

2. All sites will take a cut of the model's earnings. There is no way to send money from one person to another without paying a fee, except by writing a personal check. And then there's a fee if the person who cashes the check doesn't have a bank account. Some take the fee up front, from the person sending the money, some take the fee out of the recipient's cut.

Models have been informed of the fee when they signed up for the site, or studio. It's part of the paperwork. Legally, the site has to tell them what their cut is. By agreeing to work through that site instead of through their own resources, they have agreed to let the site get a cut of the money. If the model is working through other resources, then she's going to have to pay for those resources somehow, so she STILL won't get 100% of your money.

However, when the option is between cash, which can be used to pay for anything, or a gift-card that can only be used to pay for merchandise, I think most models will take the cash, even with having to give a cut of it for something or other.

3. Every model is different. Many models are willing to break or bend rules. Some models are not. Some models can cum in any position, some can't. Some can't cum in any obvious way to members at all, and anything they do that gets members off is just a show. Some models squirt, some scream, some just tense and relax. Some models like pain, some like to obey commands, some like to give demands. Some like to insult, or be insulted, or just play, with no words. "But other models are fine with it" is not a reason for THIS model to be fine with it.

4. Models change. Models are real women. Ever complained about how a woman isn't the same from moment to moment? Well, a model might be different from moment to moment as well. We ARE mostly female, after all. This means that aside from hormones affecting how we think and act, there's also how long it's been since we got laid, how long it's been since we had anyone we trust give us a sincere compliment, and how long it's been since anyone else has helped us without expecting anything in return. Women need physical affection, and constant affirmation. Without it, our personalities do change. And with it, they tend to change for the better.


When I was in highschool, I came across a CD that I immediately bought for two of it's tracks- Cat's in the Cradle and American Pie. I listened to that CD once through and found that I loved almost all the songs on it.

In college, the cd was stolen out of my car. I had the songs saved on my computer though, so I was able to keep them. Years passed, and this past year I started trying to find out the playlist so I could burn myself a new copy of the disk. All I could remember of the title was Singers and Songwriters. Unfortunately, I couldn't find the exact CD I had. I found the songs were scattered throughout the various CD's this collection had to offer, but no CD with the exact playlist. What I could remember of the playlist was that the two I had bought it for were songs number 17 and 18, and that the first few were Daniel, You're so Vain, and Wild World. The other songs that I remembered being in the CD I couldn't remember what numbers they were, and iTunes had fucked up the ordering and the CD names of a lot of the songs with the many backing-up and reinstatings of my library that had occurred.

Well, today I finally found it. The CD I was looking for was The Very Best of Singers and Songwriters. The playlist follows:

You're So Vain
Wild World
It's Too Late
City of New Orleans
Blue Bayou
Guitar Man
Sunshine on my Shoulders
Danny's Song
At Seventeen
Time in a Bottle
You're Only Lonely
Both Sides Now
Cat's in the Cradle
American Pie

Out of those songs, the only three I never really cared for were Sundown, Sunshine on my Shoulders, and You're Only Lonely. But if I still have them, well, you can bet that I'm going to be putting them in this reincarnation of the CD. If I don't, I have a few songs I can safely substitute without ruining the flow.


Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Fair or not?

There have been some complaints, both among models and their fans, about the placement systems of various websites. Their complaints are that models who make the most money get placed first, and there's a huge luck factor in how much a model makes in her first few days as a model. Since they have been placed first on the page, they are easier to see, and hence attract more attention and make even more money. Those who don't do so well their first couple days are left to struggle, and steadily get a worse and worse placement until they give up.

But my thoughts on this are... isn't that how it works with most everything? Those who have the money to put behind their works of art, or business, or whatever, get better placement in the show, or street, or whatever (respectively), and hence get more business and have an easier time thriving. Those who don't have the money to afford the best spots get the second best, and on down the line, and hence have a harder time attracting customers. And to top it off, they then don't get the money to make stuff shiney and new and attract more. As it becomes harder and harder for them to get the business, they stop getting even the money to upkeep their store, and fall of, and go out of business.

So maybe it is unfair, but life isn't fair. At least it does seem to correlate with how real business work.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Gay, not gay, what does it matter?

So the other day, a member asked me if receiving a blowjob from another guy was gay. I said nothing, as it's not really any of my business, but such questions annoy me.

An action is not gay or straight in and of itself. Gay is a state of being. To be gay means that you are only sexually attracted to people who are the same sex  you are. To be straight means that you are only sexually attracted to people who are the opposite sex from you. Is getting your dick sucked by another man make you gay? Only if you never want a woman to touch your dick. If you do still want women, then you're not gay. You're bi. And there's nothing wrong with bi.

When you're bi, you can choose to go one way or the other exclusively. That does not change the fact that you are bi. It just means that you're bi with a preference for one gender or the other.

Technically, I am bi with a preference for men. I simply say I'm straight because it's easier than explaining that I've never been with a woman, and while I'm kinda curious about it, I don't want it badly enough to cheat on my partner. I'm the sort to always have a male partner. So despite being sexually attracted to women, I probably will never be with a woman. I don't particularly care to.

My words are "I like dick to much, and I don't like having multiple partners." But that shatters the fantasy for the men who want to think that I might just sleep with them if we met in person. The truth is, I've met thousands of men in real life, and only slept with two of them. Chances are, even if we did meet in person, I wouldn't be sleeping with you. But that's not sexy. That's not fun. So let's both keep our fantasies and stop trying to analyze my real life relationships.

Return the favor I give you, and leave your real life relationships out of it as well. Keep this solely in the realm of fantasy.

Cock Worship? Or just a glorified blowjob?

The other day, when I was explaining one reason why guys seem to like my blowjobs, even if they've never really like blowjobs, is because I'm not sucking and blowing, so much as making love to the dick with my hands and mouth. And as I described it, he said "oh, cock worship."

When I suck a dick, anything that's not immediately present disappears. I want to caress it, and make it caress me. And not just with my mouth and hands, either. No, the good times I caress it with my cheeks, rub it against my neck and breasts. My hands and mouth explore not just the cock, but the balls, and the area directly around the cock and balls. Sometimes, I'll sit back a bit, and just stare at it, smiling, holding myself back until I practially attack it in my desire to touch it again. Or just caressing it with my hands, so that I practically attack it with my mouth- but never teeth! Kissing, licking, running my mouth along it, sucking on it.  It becomes my world, my reason for living, for that space of time. I get so worked up about it that sucking on it actually makes me cum.

So my question is, is that just an incredible blowjob? Or is it actually cock worship?

I don't want to mislabel it after all.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Microsoft Word Fails

Lots of people mix up words, and I've noticed it getting even worse in the past couple years. I think I've figured out why, and it's mostly the fault of Microsoft Word.

Consider the following sentence:

"I am increasingly weary of trying to shut you out"

The word weary, which means tired, is underlined in blue. When I right-click, the suggestion is wary, which means cautious. Both words would make sense in the sentence when it's taken out of context. But in the context, it's a guy talking about how tired he is of trying to tune out someone's inane chatter that she isn't even aware he can hear. I keep seeing people mix up wary and weary in typing, and as I said, it's been getting worse.

Another one is where and were. Where is a place. You can tell that because the word here is in it. Were is the past tense of are. In fact, every time I've ever seen a blue underlined word, the word that is underlined is the correct one, and the one that word wants you to substitute is one that I keep seeing used wrongly. Like than and then. 

WTF Word? Are you TRYING to make people not know what words mean? If you want to make suggestions, at least tell the people what the words are! 

I could see, if you right click on where, saying "did you mean where, refering to a place, or were, the past tense of are?" with the buttons were and where to make your selection. 

So here we go:

If a word has "here" in it, it's referring to a place. That means "here", "there", and "where". If you are not referring to a place, you do not want any of those words.

If a word has an apostrophe, it's either indicating possession or a contraction. If there is an apostrophe and it does not have an "s", you'd better be able to tell me what two words could be there instead of that one.

It's is ALWAYS it is. Its is how you do possession. "It's in the cupboard." "It puts the lotion on its skin."

Too has two uses. The first is "also". Think "there is also another o". The other is in places like "too much" and "too little". Think "there is one too many o's" If the word you are using does not fall into either of those, and is not the number two, then the word you want is "to".

They're, their, and there. Well, there has here in it, so it's a place. "There it is!" They're has an apostrophe, so it must be two words- they are. "They're running away". Their is neither of those things, so it must be the third word that sounds similar- it indicates the possession of multiple people. "Let's ride in their car."

weary- ea makes a long e sound. It also has ear in it, see it? that means you want to pronounce the vowels the way you would in the word ear. It means to be tired. "I'm so weary of listening to that song. They play it all the damn time!"

wary- there is no e here. So there should not be an e sound in the middle. ar you would almost think sound like car, but since there is a y after wards, the a becomes a long a. vowel consonant vowel means the first vowel uses the long sound. So you want the sound "ay", not "ah". wary sounds like airy with a w. It means cautious. "He was wary of the knife in his opponent's off-hand."

here vs hear: hear has ear in it. It means what you do with your ears. here does not. here is a place. "Where is the knife?" "Here it is!"

Then vs than. Then is a time. "When will it happen?" "It will happen then." It also marks place in line. "First came love, then came marriage."  This is because a place in line is like a time. "First comes twelve, then comes one." Than is for comparisons. "I would rather have the cake than the pudding." "That one is bigger than this one."

I'm heartily sick of reading forum posts where people don't understand the difference between these words. I'm hoping that these tricks which I learned in fourth grade will help people learn them- that is how I still tell the difference when I'm tired enough that the years of reading established authors isn't sticking to my brain.

Also- go read the classics. The shit they publish these days might have a fun story, but there's usually so many grammar mistakes that I want to take a red pen to their works. I understand- editors can't catch everything. I always suggest- take it to one editor. Fix everything they find, then take it to a different editor. Fix everything they find, then continue until they stop finding grammar and spelling mistakes. But that might not be feasible.

Also- if you read the classics, make sure they haven't been edited in awhile. Don't get the new edits, those tend to have typos and shit.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Good Stuff

I don't like giving out details about the stuff that's going right. So this is going to be a very quick post.

What's going right in my life? Well:

-relationship. Yes, we fight sometimes, and sometimes about stupid shit. But that's normal. Mostly, it's been good lately (except for problems with doggie style... but that's a bit of both of us). We seem to be at a consensus about our short-term goals, at least. Long-term goals are so nebulous that I'm at a "we'll see when we get there". There's still a very big chance that at some point, he will want to move and I won't. And we realize that there might be a point at which we separate. So no, no plans for marriage.

-friendship. I'm still in touch with my best friend from college. In fact, there's a plan to see her as soon as I can spare the $300 such a trip would cost (actually, probably only 1-2 hundred, but I like having extra just in case).

-finances. I had a lot of trouble at the beginning of the year. Then we rearranged who's doing what, and have it so all I really have to do is focus on earning my goal each day. And not worry about where I am for the week, or the month. Just make my goal each day. We also took into account the fact that there's always 4 days I can't work, and that in February that means I can only work 24 days, so every other month I get 2 or 3 days off (hooray!) aside from red week. Not counting when I've earned an extra day's worth. For the past three months, I've earned enough for us to get the bills, and get started on fixing our cars so they don't completely break on us, as well as eat out (cheap places, like Taco Bell and Subway), once a week. Now to get my goal back up to the point where it was when I first started camming.

-living. Our apartment sucks. But, we've got a setup right now that maximizes our use f it while minimizing the cost of heating in winter and cooling in summer. So we're doing the best we can with what we've got.

-chores. We've split the chores, so that he can look for a job and deal with his family. It also lets me feel not quite so useless on days when I don't or can't work.

-crafts. I have a sewing machine (that we got a long time ago), and have been working on an apron for awhile. I have a bunch of chainmail rings and the pliers to get started at that. And I have everything needed to make a homemade leather collar and cuff set (cheapest was, fyi, is to get belts from thrift stores. It takes awhile to get all of them, but it's possible. :) ). I would still like to get a new pencil sharpener for my colored pencils. Preferably a wall mount one that I can mount to my bookshelf or something. But that's minor. OH! I'm also on my way to making a Mario wall-hanging. Cross stitching FTW! (currently working on the pattern for it. Stage 1- gather and pattern the sprites. Stage 2- gather and pattern the world. Stage 3- copy-paste sprite patterns onto the world. Stage 4- print the pattern. Stage 5- obtain materials. Stage 6 cross stitch. I have all the thread, just need the cloth for it.)

-health. Actually, this is the one area that REALLY needs improvement. I'm gaining weight. I'm trying to work out and focus on cardio. Eating healthy too. But... it makes me get sick. And getting sick, of course, eats into my finances, which are finally going good. I think the real effort is going to have to wait until he finds a job. God I hope that's soon...


Every once in awhile I'll post here when I'm getting nervous or scared about something. Sometimes I'll post a rant. But rarely do I post when things are going well. I thought it might be time to change that. I would also like to address some comments. As comments are (I believe) only visible by me, I will leave names out, except for a certain troll.

First, the comment that I might want to find another line of work because of my sensitivity. If you tell every camgirl who's a little sensitive that she should find another line of work, all you'll be left with are bitches. While many guys are willing to pay for bitches, I don't like to think that the option to pay for someone sweet would be taken away. Instead of saying that the sweet people should go somewhere else, maybe you should work on thinning out the trolls a little. I'm not saying get rid of them completely, after all, every job has to have its downside.

My personality is such that I really like to serve. But I have trouble in traditional jobs. I can't handle the mental stress of dealing with people up close and in person. So internet jobs are the best option for me. I need a place where I can exercise my creativity a bit, while serving others and getting just the right amount of social interaction. Yes, there are tough times. Yes, it's hard to hear trolls beating on me with words. But I can handle that, because I can ban them from my room at any time.

As to how much I'm making, there's some good news. I took a break from worrying about how to pay for shit and instead focused on just making a certain amount each day. For the past few months, it's been working. Crossing my fingers and hoping it continues to work.

Next, the suggestion to the pussy song. Thank you for the correction on the original. I like your version!

Finally, to ComeOnUK's many many comments insulting my intelligence, my beauty, and my character. They have been deleted as he is obviously a troll, but I did not delete the email that blogger sent to my inbox with the actual wording. So let me say this: due to your trollish behavior, the comments don't really hit home, even those that don't. I'm going to address your concerns anyway.

1. My intelligence. When I took the online Mensa Test back in college, my result was an IQ of 133. While I'm not by any means a Genius, I'm still smarter than 75% of the population. I have a bachelor of arts in Mathematics. While I know that my smarts all lie in book learning, and not street-smarts, I'm okay with that. After all, book learning is what makes a poor person money the legal ways. And I'm not at all interested in learning how to steal.

2. My personality. Some people find me a bitch, yes. That's usually those who are upset because I won't pound a dildo into my pussy in public chat. It's amazing to watch the transformation from "hey sexy, can I see that ass?" to "YOU UGLY BITCH GO AWAY". I put no stock in those words at all. I try to have patience, and to be kind and respectful. Of course, I don't allow people to disrespect me, but I do my best to be respectful until they've shown proof that they have no intention of treating me with respect, or even as though I'm human.

3. My response to people with my vids. This one is... hm. I've never actually found a video of mine in the hands of others. I've been told by people that they have it. I ask them to please tip if they liked it, otherwise, please let me ignore the fact that they have stolen my work. There was no bitching. There was one ban for someone who wouldn't stop telling me just how much he loves getting off to my video without ever having to pay me again... but I didn't chew him out, or get mad, or even upset. I simply let it go, and banned him so I wouldn't have to hear it.

4. My dull personality. The point behind the fantasy is not that I don't have real life stories to tell. It's that I don't want to tell those real life stories. My partner has asked that I not talk about our sex life on camera, and I have a very fertile imagination. The other point of it is to make it so obviously fantasy that people don't mistake it for reality. No one is *really* going to believe that I was raped by a tentacle monster. And frankly, I will be very glad when my life is "dull". I saw that you read my other posts, so I'm not sure how you could've missed the fact that I've had way too much of interesting in my lifetime already.

5. You calling me ugly. There is no way for me to really refute what you personally think about my looks. Everyone has their own opinion about how people look. I happen to like men who have a little bit of fat covering up their muscle, other girls like men who are completely fit, and some girls even like men who are very squishy. You are entitled to your opinion. What I don't understand is why you insist on telling me your negative opinions. Is there so little positive in your life that all you can see is the negative? If so, I feel very sorry for you.

Good stuff post coming soon!

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Last Time

I get performance anxiety.

Not with new guys, I can handle that. And not even with guys who've been there before who don't allude to the last time. It's with the guys who say "oh you were so sexy last time." Especially if I don't remember much about last time. Why? A bunch of reasons.

1. No two performances are ever exactly the same. So if they're expecting the same thing as last time, I can't guarantee they'll see that.

2. Many times guys will mistake me for other similar models. So it's possible that the last time they are thinking of wasn't me at all!

3. The human mind likes to twist memories, so it's entirely possible that this "last time" they are referring to wasn't actually as good as they remember it to be.

4. I doubt my ability to consistently produce a good product. I have off-days. So even if the last time was me, and was remembered faithfully... can I really live up to the expectations they have now been given from remembering that last time?

5. Sometimes, when a guy really liked the last time, they push a little too hard for it to come out the same way. Which of course kills the magic, since I work best with a little bit of spontaneousness in my shows. (I tried to spell spontinaity, but I don't know how.. x.x) The connection that I sometimes get with the guy on the other end is something that can never be forced, so if he's trying to force it, it just won't happen.

So when a guy makes a big deal out of how great last time was, it makes me uncomfortable, because I'm afraid I won't be able to live up to it for the next performance. Which, of course, means my next one is likely to be slightly wooden and formal, with a bunch of "I'm sorry, but I don't really remember last time. So let's just focus on here and now. What can I do for you tonight?"

Saturday, May 12, 2012


It's considered "male" to be the one doing the penetrating, and "female" to be the one being penetrated. Every guy only has 1 dick, and every girl has three holes that can usually accommodate a dick. Technically, a man can only be male with one woman at a time, while a woman can be female to three guys at a time.

So why is it considered normal for a man to want more than one woman at a time, while it's considered improper and slutty for a woman to want more than one man at a time? And why do so many men have problems with the idea of sharing their woman?

I wonder if I'll ever understand humans...

Friday, April 27, 2012

The Watersports Tweet

While I was still on camera, I posted the following two tweets:

Tweet 1
Not sure how talking about golden showers equated talking about pissing myself, which I translate as peeing in my pants...

Tweet 2
So to clarify- I like golden showers, which involves me naked in the bathtub or shower. I do not like getting my clothes soaked in piss.

I got a couple people asking what they missed. The first one the explanation went something like this:

(1:58:36 AM) Eve: someone asked about what the kinkiest thing I'd done was, and toward the end of that I mentioned that I like golden showers but I can't do those on camera
(1:58:52 AM) Eve: so someone asked if we could talk about pee in private, and I said "take me exclusive and sure!"
(1:59:06 AM) Eve: so he took me private and asks me to talk about how much I love to "pee yourself"
(1:59:23 AM) Eve: I said "I don't like to piss myself, I like golden showers. There's a difference"

The second one, I said that I should post an explanation on my blog, so here I am!

My full experience with golden showers is such:

-pissing on myself in the shower a few times
-pouring the broth from chicken ramen on myself once and pretending it was someone else peeing on me
-pissing on my hand
-attempting to piss on camera (didn't go so well, then  I found out it's against the rules on every single camming site out there...)
-being pissed on once by my current partner

I liked all of the above. Except the one on camera- I'm pee shy.

Pissing myself, however, I interpret as pissing while at the very least my underwear is on. There are a few problems with such actions:

I do not like humiliation.

I do not like being punished- I like a bit of pain as play, not as punishment.

I hate any potty messes. They make me feel like I'm 5, and like I'm about to get beaten within an inch of my life by a very scary woman who's swinging shitty underwear in my face until it touches my lips.

So the guy asking me to say that I like doing something that actually causes me mental anguish to the point of jibbering in a corner... yeah, not cool.

Monday, April 23, 2012

A Tumble In the Wind

I'm beginning to think the universe has it out for my right leg.

Last night, after a few private sessions, my right thigh randomly developed something that felt an awful lot like rug burn. Except, it wasn't rubbing against the sheets in the right way for long enough for that to be what happened. This afternoon, we walked to the bank. It was very windy. We saw an optometrist, so we decided to stop and see how much it will cost me for new glasses later this year. Going up the concrete steps outside, I was on the left, the wind decided to give me a shove at the right moment for my right foot to step on the left curb. When I tried to catch myself by putting my left foot back down, my left foot also missed the curb. My left ankle is a little sore but fine. My right knee has a tiny scab surrounded by a slight bruise. Walking on it feels... wrong. Like if I do anything to put pressure on this knee I'm going to end up with a broken knee-cap. That would not be good.

By the way, they've decided to come up with all sorts of cool things for people with thick glasses to make it not look like they have thick glasses. Cool things like cutting the edge of the lenses off, instead of cutting it back from the face the way mine are. I explained that I wouldn't want that because my eyes need the protection of the lense in front of them and would feel very naked and exposed without that. She replied that it might be good for a change. *eye roll* And like painting the edge of the lenses so it looks like part of the frame. Which isn't so new... I've seen that one before, but considering her reaction to my "I need the lenses to be there", I decided to keep my mouth shut about how that would insert a line of color into my peripheral vision which would annoy the hell out of me.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Pussy Balloons

I've recently been curious about something. But it's not something I would try without the help of someone I could trust to be very responsible, stop when I say stop, and call 911 if something goes wrong.

It's simple- take an empty balloon. Insert it into my vagina, leaving the opening out. Inflate balloon with an air pump, tie it off, and have some fun. Use a pin to pop the balloon when playtime is over.

There are so many things that could go wrong, which is why I wouldn't try it without help. But I kinda want to try. I'm curious. If the air one went well, I'd love to see how it would go with water.

"Why not just put a hose in and blow it that way?"

Well, I'm not all that certain that the water would stay in my pussy. The pussy is mostly closed, but only mostly. Things still get in and out of it. The openings might be small enough to not have to worry about the standard tampon or ben wa balls getting away from you, but there's got to be an opening big enough for the egg. Which means there's an opening big enough for water, and big enough for air, to get into my body cavity. That would be dangerous.

Also, without the rubbery closure of the balloon, I can't be sure that the water wouldn't leak out the other way.

So, to ensure the water/air does what it's supposed to, I'd have to do this with something to contain it- hence the balloon.

As to where the idea came from... Bible Black... towards the middle, what she does to the art teacher. I'm kinda curious how that would feel being done to my pussy. How much thought have I put into it? Aside from the time it took to write this post, about half hour a night once in awhile for the past few months. Would I ever film it? I doubt I'll ever even try it. But if I did try it, and it did go well, and I did enjoy it, I would totally do another session with the camera rolling.

I don't like filming my first time with anything. Mostly because I rarely enjoy my first time with anything- I'm too busy analyzing how it feels.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Favorite Quotes

Looking through some backup cd's I made back when I didn't know about external hard drives... I found a document entitled "favorite quotes". In it, I had made sure whenever I read a particularly good quote from a book, to write it down. I missed a couple here and there, but this is a decent selection. Here you go!

Lord of the Rings

"Advice is a dangerous gift, even from the wise to the wise, and all courses may run ill." - Gildor (FOTR- Book I Chap. 3 Pg 114)

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us."- Gandalf (FOTR- Book I Chap 2 pg 76)

"Courage is found in unlikely places." - Gildor (FOTR- Book I Chap. 3 Pg 114)

"Dangerous! And so am I, very dangerous: more dangerous than anything you will ever meet, unless you are brought alive before the seat of the Dark Lord. And Aragorn is dangerous, and Legolas is dangerous. You are beset with dangers, Gimli son of Glóin; for you are dangerous yourself in your own fashion." -Gandalf (TTT- Book III, Chap. 5, Pg. 122)

"Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger." - Gildor (FOTR- Book I Chap. 3 Pg 114)

"Good and ill have not changed since yesteryear" - Aragorn (TTT Book III Pg. 48)

"Eavesdropping, sir? I don't follow you, begging your pardon. There ain't no eaves at Bag End, and that's a fact." - Sam (FOTR- Book I Chap 2 pg 90)

"I don't keep water in my pockets." - Frodo (FOTR- Book I Chap 3 pg 101)

"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."- Bilbo (FOTR- Book I Chap. 1 pg 51)

"I don't know how you feel with small rag-tag dangling behind you; but the rag-tag is tired and would be glad to stop dangling and lie down." -Merry (TTT- Book III Chap 11, Pg. 228).

"I never blamed you for your welcome to me. How could I do so, who have so often counseled my friends to suspect even their own hands when dealing with the enemy." -Gandalf (TTT- Book III Chap 5 Pg. 121)

"It is hardly possible to separate you from him, even when he is summoned to a secret council and you are not." - Elrond (FOTR- Book II Chap. 2 Pg. 325)

"It is perilous to study too deeply the arts of the Enemy, for good or for ill." - Elrond (FOTR- Book II Chap. 2 pg 317)

"'It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door,' he used to say. 'You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to.'" - Frodo/Bilbo (FOTR- Book I Chap 3 pg 102)

"Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. For even the very wise cannot see all ends." - Gandalf (FOTR- Book I Chap 2 pg 85)

"Sheep get like shepherds, and shepherds like sheep, it is said; but slowly, and neither have long in the world." - Treebeard (TTT- Book III Chap 4 Pg. 84)

"Short cuts make long delays." - Pippin (FOTR- Book I Chap. 4 Pg 118)

"So many strange things have chanced that to learn the praise of a fair lady under the loving strokes of a Dwarf's axe will seem no great wonder." - Eomer (TTT- Book III Chap. 2 pg 49)

"There must be someone with intelligence in the party." – Pippin, referring to himself (FOTR- Book II Chap 3 Pg. 326)

"We are all friends here. Or should be; for the laughter of Mordor will be our only reward, if we quarrel." -Gandalf (TTT, Book III, Chap 6, Pg. 136)

"You should have been the king's jester, and earned your bread and stripes too, by mimicking his counsellors." -Gandalf (TTT- Book III, Chap. 10, Pg. 220)

"(Elrond)'For  you do not yet know the strength of your hearts, and you cannot foresee what each may meet upon the road.' 'Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens,' said Gimli. 'Maybe,' said Elrond, 'but let him not vow to walk in the dark, who has not seen the nightfall.' 'Yet sworn word may strengthen quaking heart,' said Gimli. 'Or break it,' said Elrond." - (FOTR- Book II Chap. 3 Pg. 336)

"(Aragorn)'Look, my friends!,' he called, 'Here's a pretty hobbit-skin to wrap an elven-princeling in! If it were known hobbits had such hides, all the hunters of Middle-earth would be riding to the Shire.' 'And all the arrows of all the hunters in the world would be in vain,' said Gimli." - (FOTR- Book II Chap 6 Pg. 398).

Douglas Adams

The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide

“How to Leave the Planet… <steps 1-4 involve phone calls, many of which would be overseas>... 5. If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing flying saucer and explain that it’s vitally important you get away before your phone bill arrives.”(xi)

“nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change,” (5)

“The thing that used to worry him the most was the fact that people always used to ask him what he was looking so worried about.” (7)

“Can we also assume that he’s going to be staying here all day? So all your men are going to be standing around all day doing nothing? Well, if you’re resigned to doing that anyway, you don’t actually need him to lie here all the time do you? So if you would just like to take it as read that he’s actually here, then he and I could slip off down to the pub for half an hour.” Ford Prefect, (14-15)

“Here’s what the Encyclopedia Galactica has to say about alcohol. It says that alcohol is a colorless volatile liquid formed by the fermentation of sugars and also notes its intoxicating effect on certain carbon-based lifeforms. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. It says that the effect of drinking a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick. The Guide also tells you on which planets the best Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters are mixed, how much you can expect to pay for one and what voluntary organizations exist to help you rehabilitate afterward. The Guide even tells you how you can mix one yourself… The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy sells rather better than the Encyclopedia Galactica.” (17)

“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.” (18)

“This must be Thursday, I never could get the hang of Thursdays.” Arthur Dent, (19)

“avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a mind-bogglingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can’t see it, it can’t see you- daft as a brush, but very very ravenous)” (21)

“If [humans] don’t keep on exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working.” (35)

“Who, the man with the five heads and the elderberry bush full of kippers?” Ford (56)

“Ford, you’re turning into a penguin. Stop it.” Arthur (58)

“The point is that I am now a perfectly safe penguin, and my colleague here is rapidly running out of limbs!” “It’s all right, I’ve got them back now.” Ford, Arthur (58)

“We are now cruising at a level of two to the power of two hundred and seventy-six thousand against and falling, and we will be restoring normality just as soon as we are sure what is normal anyway” Trillion (58)

“Ford! There’s an infinite number of monkeys outside who want to talk to us about this script for Hamlet they’re worked out!” Arthur (59)

“We have normality... anything you still can’t cope with is therefore your own problem. Please relax. You will be sent for soon.” Trillion (61)

“He was mechanically inept and could easily blow the ship up with an extravagant gesture.” (62)

“This fact may safely be made the subject of suspense since it is of no significance whatsoever.” (82)

“I talked to the computer at great length and explained my view of the Universe to it... it committed suicide.” Marvin (142)

“In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.” (149)

“I don’t know, but when I find him, he’d better have a good reason for me wanting to see him.” (178)

“Bloody hell,” said Majikthise, “now that is what I call thinking. Here, Vroomfondel, why do we never think of things like that?”

“Dunno,” said Vroomfondel in an awed whisper; “thin our brains must be too highly trained, Majikthise.”(115)

 “Anything that happens, happens. Anything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Anything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again. It doesn’t necessarily do it in chronological order, though.”

There is a theory which states that if anyone ever discovers exactly what the universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaces by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.  There is another which states that this has already happened.

Only twenty minutes ago, he had decided he would go mad, and here he was already chasing a Chesterfield sofa across the fields of prehistoric earth.

Info on the Universe: 1. Area. Infinite. Bigger than the biggest thing ever seen and then some. Much bigger than that in fact, really amazingly immense, a totally stunning size, real “wow, that’s big,” time. Infinity is just so big that, by comparison, bigness itself looks really titchy. Gigantic multiplied by colossal multiplied by staggeringly huge is the sort of concept we’re trying to get across here.  2. Imports: None. It is impossible to import things into an infinite area, there being no outside to import things in from.  3. Exports: None. See imports.  4. Population: None. It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination.  5. Monetary units: None. In fact there are three freely convertible currencies in the Galaxy, but none of them count. The Altarian Dollar has recently collapsed, the Flainian Pobble Bead is only exchangeable for other Flainian Pobble Beads, and the Triganic Pu has its own very special problems. Its exchange rate of eight Ningis to one Pu is simple enough, but since a Ningi is a triangular rubber coin six thousand eight hundred miles along each side, no one has ever collected enough to own one Pu. Ningis are not negotiable currency, because the Galactibanks refuse to deal in fiddling small change. From this basic premise it is very simple to probe that the Galactibanks are also the product of a deranged imagination. 6. Art: Non. The function of art is to hold the mirror up to nature, and there simply isn’t a mirror big enough- see point one. 7. Sex: None. Well, in fact there is an awful lot of this, largely because of the total lack of money, trade, banks, art or anything else that might keep all the nonexistent people occupied.  However, it is not worth embarking on a long discussion of it now because it really is terribly complicated. For further information see Guide Chapters seven, nine, ten, eleven, fourteen, sixteen, seventeen, nineteen, twenty-one to eighty-four, and in fact most of the rest of the Guide.

Valdemar Series

By the Sword

"Seems like the moment religion enters into a question, people's brains turn to mush.  Messy wars and messy thinking. Messy thinking causes messy wars." (348)

"If the enemy is within firing range, so are you" (439)

"Professionals are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs" (478)

Shin'a'in Curses

May you get exactly what you deserve

May your life be interesting

Shin'a'in Sayings

A slighted friend is more dangerous than an enemy

Friendly fire isn't

Don't make judgement calls; you might find yourself on the other end of one


I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see it`s path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

Terry Prachett’s Diskworld series


“But I don’t believe in reincarnation!”… reincarnation believes in you. Pg. 109

“Money don’t buy happiness, Gytha.” “I only wanted to rent it for a few weeks.” Pg. 198

Witches Abroad

- the main argument against trousers is that everyone can see where her legs are

interesting night

Tonight there have been a lot of interesting, lots of people coming and and hopping out of privates. A couple of them, mid-stride I switched who I was talking to cause the original person left... here's the most interesting one

Note: names have been changed for everyone's protection. There were three players here, one guy who I think was trying to be a preacher (either that or a marry-me dude), one guy who joined up and tried to take control at the beginning (who I named randomdude), and one guy who joined partway through (who I called member) I was talking, not typing

preacher? has logged on

Me: hi <preacher?>, what can I do for you tonight?

(I start stripping while I wait for his answer)

preacher?: show me what you got?

me: well, what are you interested in?

preacher?: You

(I start showing off my body)

randomdude has logged on

randomdude: hi
can i be honest with u

Me: <randomdude>, this show is currently being directed by <preacher?>

preacher?: what do you like

randomdude has logged off

(still touching myself and showing off)

Me: My favorite thing is to please people. When there's no one to please, I usually just put a vibe on my clit till I cum. Or, if it's someone I care about, I like to get very handsy and kissy. I love making it more personal with someone I care for.

preacher?: Why do you do this

Me: because I like it! This way, I get to please hundreds of guys a day. I think everyone should get a job doing something they like as much as I like pleasing people. I tried waitressing, but the customer's happiness relies on other people too. So if the person I'm trying to please doesn't like the cook, I get blamed for it! And that's just no good.

(insert stuff about online vs offline, and how a frind suggested it when I was looking for work in this economy)

preacher?: You are very attractive and you should think about this!

Me: Think about what?

preacher?: Would you not like to have sex with just one guy?

Me: But I do! I might have cyber-sex with anyone, but I only have sex with one person. I've only ever had sex with two guys, and not at the same time. Though if I trusted them enough...

preacher?: OK make love!

Me: I think most of my times have been making love. There's the occasional time when it doesn't feel like that, but my parents even told me that sometimes they'll have sex to please their partner. But most of the time, it's making love. Why, do you think I should only love one person?

member has logged on

preacher?: Yep!

Me: but I thought Christ told us to love everybody! At least, that's what I thought the message was!

preacher?: Not more then all!

Me: I don't really understand what you said there.

member: so sexy... finger yourass for me.

Me: <member> this show is currently being directed by <preacher?>. But anyway, that friend who suggested it, I think I had recently told him how I wanted to share myself with everybody, but that it wouldn't be fair to my partner. This way, I can! (I beam at the camera, still showing off and touching random places.)

preacher?: You have a partner?

Me: yup! I told you- I only have sex with one person, though I have cyber-sex with anyone. (I dip a finger in my pussy and lick it off a couple times)

preacher?: I'd be gone, go to the others!

Me: okay, have a good night <preacher?>

preacher? has logged off

Me: well, <member>, now that he's gone I can do what you asked for!

(I proceed to finger my ass for awhile)

member: thank you so much for that... just what i needed....

Me: you're welcome, and thank you!

member has logged off