Friday, June 29, 2012

Info that might surprise you

1. On a majority of camsites, models do not start the show. It's the members who click the button to start the show, and when the members leave the show, the show ends. There are a very few exceptions to this. So if a model is in and out of private, don't assume that it's her choice. It's probably the members doing it. If you're new to a site, ask if they can start it! It's okay to admit that you don't know how things work on their end!

2. All sites will take a cut of the model's earnings. There is no way to send money from one person to another without paying a fee, except by writing a personal check. And then there's a fee if the person who cashes the check doesn't have a bank account. Some take the fee up front, from the person sending the money, some take the fee out of the recipient's cut.

Models have been informed of the fee when they signed up for the site, or studio. It's part of the paperwork. Legally, the site has to tell them what their cut is. By agreeing to work through that site instead of through their own resources, they have agreed to let the site get a cut of the money. If the model is working through other resources, then she's going to have to pay for those resources somehow, so she STILL won't get 100% of your money.

However, when the option is between cash, which can be used to pay for anything, or a gift-card that can only be used to pay for merchandise, I think most models will take the cash, even with having to give a cut of it for something or other.

3. Every model is different. Many models are willing to break or bend rules. Some models are not. Some models can cum in any position, some can't. Some can't cum in any obvious way to members at all, and anything they do that gets members off is just a show. Some models squirt, some scream, some just tense and relax. Some models like pain, some like to obey commands, some like to give demands. Some like to insult, or be insulted, or just play, with no words. "But other models are fine with it" is not a reason for THIS model to be fine with it.

4. Models change. Models are real women. Ever complained about how a woman isn't the same from moment to moment? Well, a model might be different from moment to moment as well. We ARE mostly female, after all. This means that aside from hormones affecting how we think and act, there's also how long it's been since we got laid, how long it's been since we had anyone we trust give us a sincere compliment, and how long it's been since anyone else has helped us without expecting anything in return. Women need physical affection, and constant affirmation. Without it, our personalities do change. And with it, they tend to change for the better.


When I was in highschool, I came across a CD that I immediately bought for two of it's tracks- Cat's in the Cradle and American Pie. I listened to that CD once through and found that I loved almost all the songs on it.

In college, the cd was stolen out of my car. I had the songs saved on my computer though, so I was able to keep them. Years passed, and this past year I started trying to find out the playlist so I could burn myself a new copy of the disk. All I could remember of the title was Singers and Songwriters. Unfortunately, I couldn't find the exact CD I had. I found the songs were scattered throughout the various CD's this collection had to offer, but no CD with the exact playlist. What I could remember of the playlist was that the two I had bought it for were songs number 17 and 18, and that the first few were Daniel, You're so Vain, and Wild World. The other songs that I remembered being in the CD I couldn't remember what numbers they were, and iTunes had fucked up the ordering and the CD names of a lot of the songs with the many backing-up and reinstatings of my library that had occurred.

Well, today I finally found it. The CD I was looking for was The Very Best of Singers and Songwriters. The playlist follows:

You're So Vain
Wild World
It's Too Late
City of New Orleans
Blue Bayou
Guitar Man
Sunshine on my Shoulders
Danny's Song
At Seventeen
Time in a Bottle
You're Only Lonely
Both Sides Now
Cat's in the Cradle
American Pie

Out of those songs, the only three I never really cared for were Sundown, Sunshine on my Shoulders, and You're Only Lonely. But if I still have them, well, you can bet that I'm going to be putting them in this reincarnation of the CD. If I don't, I have a few songs I can safely substitute without ruining the flow.


Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Fair or not?

There have been some complaints, both among models and their fans, about the placement systems of various websites. Their complaints are that models who make the most money get placed first, and there's a huge luck factor in how much a model makes in her first few days as a model. Since they have been placed first on the page, they are easier to see, and hence attract more attention and make even more money. Those who don't do so well their first couple days are left to struggle, and steadily get a worse and worse placement until they give up.

But my thoughts on this are... isn't that how it works with most everything? Those who have the money to put behind their works of art, or business, or whatever, get better placement in the show, or street, or whatever (respectively), and hence get more business and have an easier time thriving. Those who don't have the money to afford the best spots get the second best, and on down the line, and hence have a harder time attracting customers. And to top it off, they then don't get the money to make stuff shiney and new and attract more. As it becomes harder and harder for them to get the business, they stop getting even the money to upkeep their store, and fall of, and go out of business.

So maybe it is unfair, but life isn't fair. At least it does seem to correlate with how real business work.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Gay, not gay, what does it matter?

So the other day, a member asked me if receiving a blowjob from another guy was gay. I said nothing, as it's not really any of my business, but such questions annoy me.

An action is not gay or straight in and of itself. Gay is a state of being. To be gay means that you are only sexually attracted to people who are the same sex  you are. To be straight means that you are only sexually attracted to people who are the opposite sex from you. Is getting your dick sucked by another man make you gay? Only if you never want a woman to touch your dick. If you do still want women, then you're not gay. You're bi. And there's nothing wrong with bi.

When you're bi, you can choose to go one way or the other exclusively. That does not change the fact that you are bi. It just means that you're bi with a preference for one gender or the other.

Technically, I am bi with a preference for men. I simply say I'm straight because it's easier than explaining that I've never been with a woman, and while I'm kinda curious about it, I don't want it badly enough to cheat on my partner. I'm the sort to always have a male partner. So despite being sexually attracted to women, I probably will never be with a woman. I don't particularly care to.

My words are "I like dick to much, and I don't like having multiple partners." But that shatters the fantasy for the men who want to think that I might just sleep with them if we met in person. The truth is, I've met thousands of men in real life, and only slept with two of them. Chances are, even if we did meet in person, I wouldn't be sleeping with you. But that's not sexy. That's not fun. So let's both keep our fantasies and stop trying to analyze my real life relationships.

Return the favor I give you, and leave your real life relationships out of it as well. Keep this solely in the realm of fantasy.

Cock Worship? Or just a glorified blowjob?

The other day, when I was explaining one reason why guys seem to like my blowjobs, even if they've never really like blowjobs, is because I'm not sucking and blowing, so much as making love to the dick with my hands and mouth. And as I described it, he said "oh, cock worship."

When I suck a dick, anything that's not immediately present disappears. I want to caress it, and make it caress me. And not just with my mouth and hands, either. No, the good times I caress it with my cheeks, rub it against my neck and breasts. My hands and mouth explore not just the cock, but the balls, and the area directly around the cock and balls. Sometimes, I'll sit back a bit, and just stare at it, smiling, holding myself back until I practially attack it in my desire to touch it again. Or just caressing it with my hands, so that I practically attack it with my mouth- but never teeth! Kissing, licking, running my mouth along it, sucking on it.  It becomes my world, my reason for living, for that space of time. I get so worked up about it that sucking on it actually makes me cum.

So my question is, is that just an incredible blowjob? Or is it actually cock worship?

I don't want to mislabel it after all.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Microsoft Word Fails

Lots of people mix up words, and I've noticed it getting even worse in the past couple years. I think I've figured out why, and it's mostly the fault of Microsoft Word.

Consider the following sentence:

"I am increasingly weary of trying to shut you out"

The word weary, which means tired, is underlined in blue. When I right-click, the suggestion is wary, which means cautious. Both words would make sense in the sentence when it's taken out of context. But in the context, it's a guy talking about how tired he is of trying to tune out someone's inane chatter that she isn't even aware he can hear. I keep seeing people mix up wary and weary in typing, and as I said, it's been getting worse.

Another one is where and were. Where is a place. You can tell that because the word here is in it. Were is the past tense of are. In fact, every time I've ever seen a blue underlined word, the word that is underlined is the correct one, and the one that word wants you to substitute is one that I keep seeing used wrongly. Like than and then. 

WTF Word? Are you TRYING to make people not know what words mean? If you want to make suggestions, at least tell the people what the words are! 

I could see, if you right click on where, saying "did you mean where, refering to a place, or were, the past tense of are?" with the buttons were and where to make your selection. 

So here we go:

If a word has "here" in it, it's referring to a place. That means "here", "there", and "where". If you are not referring to a place, you do not want any of those words.

If a word has an apostrophe, it's either indicating possession or a contraction. If there is an apostrophe and it does not have an "s", you'd better be able to tell me what two words could be there instead of that one.

It's is ALWAYS it is. Its is how you do possession. "It's in the cupboard." "It puts the lotion on its skin."

Too has two uses. The first is "also". Think "there is also another o". The other is in places like "too much" and "too little". Think "there is one too many o's" If the word you are using does not fall into either of those, and is not the number two, then the word you want is "to".

They're, their, and there. Well, there has here in it, so it's a place. "There it is!" They're has an apostrophe, so it must be two words- they are. "They're running away". Their is neither of those things, so it must be the third word that sounds similar- it indicates the possession of multiple people. "Let's ride in their car."

weary- ea makes a long e sound. It also has ear in it, see it? that means you want to pronounce the vowels the way you would in the word ear. It means to be tired. "I'm so weary of listening to that song. They play it all the damn time!"

wary- there is no e here. So there should not be an e sound in the middle. ar you would almost think sound like car, but since there is a y after wards, the a becomes a long a. vowel consonant vowel means the first vowel uses the long sound. So you want the sound "ay", not "ah". wary sounds like airy with a w. It means cautious. "He was wary of the knife in his opponent's off-hand."

here vs hear: hear has ear in it. It means what you do with your ears. here does not. here is a place. "Where is the knife?" "Here it is!"

Then vs than. Then is a time. "When will it happen?" "It will happen then." It also marks place in line. "First came love, then came marriage."  This is because a place in line is like a time. "First comes twelve, then comes one." Than is for comparisons. "I would rather have the cake than the pudding." "That one is bigger than this one."

I'm heartily sick of reading forum posts where people don't understand the difference between these words. I'm hoping that these tricks which I learned in fourth grade will help people learn them- that is how I still tell the difference when I'm tired enough that the years of reading established authors isn't sticking to my brain.

Also- go read the classics. The shit they publish these days might have a fun story, but there's usually so many grammar mistakes that I want to take a red pen to their works. I understand- editors can't catch everything. I always suggest- take it to one editor. Fix everything they find, then take it to a different editor. Fix everything they find, then continue until they stop finding grammar and spelling mistakes. But that might not be feasible.

Also- if you read the classics, make sure they haven't been edited in awhile. Don't get the new edits, those tend to have typos and shit.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Good Stuff

I don't like giving out details about the stuff that's going right. So this is going to be a very quick post.

What's going right in my life? Well:

-relationship. Yes, we fight sometimes, and sometimes about stupid shit. But that's normal. Mostly, it's been good lately (except for problems with doggie style... but that's a bit of both of us). We seem to be at a consensus about our short-term goals, at least. Long-term goals are so nebulous that I'm at a "we'll see when we get there". There's still a very big chance that at some point, he will want to move and I won't. And we realize that there might be a point at which we separate. So no, no plans for marriage.

-friendship. I'm still in touch with my best friend from college. In fact, there's a plan to see her as soon as I can spare the $300 such a trip would cost (actually, probably only 1-2 hundred, but I like having extra just in case).

-finances. I had a lot of trouble at the beginning of the year. Then we rearranged who's doing what, and have it so all I really have to do is focus on earning my goal each day. And not worry about where I am for the week, or the month. Just make my goal each day. We also took into account the fact that there's always 4 days I can't work, and that in February that means I can only work 24 days, so every other month I get 2 or 3 days off (hooray!) aside from red week. Not counting when I've earned an extra day's worth. For the past three months, I've earned enough for us to get the bills, and get started on fixing our cars so they don't completely break on us, as well as eat out (cheap places, like Taco Bell and Subway), once a week. Now to get my goal back up to the point where it was when I first started camming.

-living. Our apartment sucks. But, we've got a setup right now that maximizes our use f it while minimizing the cost of heating in winter and cooling in summer. So we're doing the best we can with what we've got.

-chores. We've split the chores, so that he can look for a job and deal with his family. It also lets me feel not quite so useless on days when I don't or can't work.

-crafts. I have a sewing machine (that we got a long time ago), and have been working on an apron for awhile. I have a bunch of chainmail rings and the pliers to get started at that. And I have everything needed to make a homemade leather collar and cuff set (cheapest was, fyi, is to get belts from thrift stores. It takes awhile to get all of them, but it's possible. :) ). I would still like to get a new pencil sharpener for my colored pencils. Preferably a wall mount one that I can mount to my bookshelf or something. But that's minor. OH! I'm also on my way to making a Mario wall-hanging. Cross stitching FTW! (currently working on the pattern for it. Stage 1- gather and pattern the sprites. Stage 2- gather and pattern the world. Stage 3- copy-paste sprite patterns onto the world. Stage 4- print the pattern. Stage 5- obtain materials. Stage 6 cross stitch. I have all the thread, just need the cloth for it.)

-health. Actually, this is the one area that REALLY needs improvement. I'm gaining weight. I'm trying to work out and focus on cardio. Eating healthy too. But... it makes me get sick. And getting sick, of course, eats into my finances, which are finally going good. I think the real effort is going to have to wait until he finds a job. God I hope that's soon...


Every once in awhile I'll post here when I'm getting nervous or scared about something. Sometimes I'll post a rant. But rarely do I post when things are going well. I thought it might be time to change that. I would also like to address some comments. As comments are (I believe) only visible by me, I will leave names out, except for a certain troll.

First, the comment that I might want to find another line of work because of my sensitivity. If you tell every camgirl who's a little sensitive that she should find another line of work, all you'll be left with are bitches. While many guys are willing to pay for bitches, I don't like to think that the option to pay for someone sweet would be taken away. Instead of saying that the sweet people should go somewhere else, maybe you should work on thinning out the trolls a little. I'm not saying get rid of them completely, after all, every job has to have its downside.

My personality is such that I really like to serve. But I have trouble in traditional jobs. I can't handle the mental stress of dealing with people up close and in person. So internet jobs are the best option for me. I need a place where I can exercise my creativity a bit, while serving others and getting just the right amount of social interaction. Yes, there are tough times. Yes, it's hard to hear trolls beating on me with words. But I can handle that, because I can ban them from my room at any time.

As to how much I'm making, there's some good news. I took a break from worrying about how to pay for shit and instead focused on just making a certain amount each day. For the past few months, it's been working. Crossing my fingers and hoping it continues to work.

Next, the suggestion to the pussy song. Thank you for the correction on the original. I like your version!

Finally, to ComeOnUK's many many comments insulting my intelligence, my beauty, and my character. They have been deleted as he is obviously a troll, but I did not delete the email that blogger sent to my inbox with the actual wording. So let me say this: due to your trollish behavior, the comments don't really hit home, even those that don't. I'm going to address your concerns anyway.

1. My intelligence. When I took the online Mensa Test back in college, my result was an IQ of 133. While I'm not by any means a Genius, I'm still smarter than 75% of the population. I have a bachelor of arts in Mathematics. While I know that my smarts all lie in book learning, and not street-smarts, I'm okay with that. After all, book learning is what makes a poor person money the legal ways. And I'm not at all interested in learning how to steal.

2. My personality. Some people find me a bitch, yes. That's usually those who are upset because I won't pound a dildo into my pussy in public chat. It's amazing to watch the transformation from "hey sexy, can I see that ass?" to "YOU UGLY BITCH GO AWAY". I put no stock in those words at all. I try to have patience, and to be kind and respectful. Of course, I don't allow people to disrespect me, but I do my best to be respectful until they've shown proof that they have no intention of treating me with respect, or even as though I'm human.

3. My response to people with my vids. This one is... hm. I've never actually found a video of mine in the hands of others. I've been told by people that they have it. I ask them to please tip if they liked it, otherwise, please let me ignore the fact that they have stolen my work. There was no bitching. There was one ban for someone who wouldn't stop telling me just how much he loves getting off to my video without ever having to pay me again... but I didn't chew him out, or get mad, or even upset. I simply let it go, and banned him so I wouldn't have to hear it.

4. My dull personality. The point behind the fantasy is not that I don't have real life stories to tell. It's that I don't want to tell those real life stories. My partner has asked that I not talk about our sex life on camera, and I have a very fertile imagination. The other point of it is to make it so obviously fantasy that people don't mistake it for reality. No one is *really* going to believe that I was raped by a tentacle monster. And frankly, I will be very glad when my life is "dull". I saw that you read my other posts, so I'm not sure how you could've missed the fact that I've had way too much of interesting in my lifetime already.

5. You calling me ugly. There is no way for me to really refute what you personally think about my looks. Everyone has their own opinion about how people look. I happen to like men who have a little bit of fat covering up their muscle, other girls like men who are completely fit, and some girls even like men who are very squishy. You are entitled to your opinion. What I don't understand is why you insist on telling me your negative opinions. Is there so little positive in your life that all you can see is the negative? If so, I feel very sorry for you.

Good stuff post coming soon!

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Last Time

I get performance anxiety.

Not with new guys, I can handle that. And not even with guys who've been there before who don't allude to the last time. It's with the guys who say "oh you were so sexy last time." Especially if I don't remember much about last time. Why? A bunch of reasons.

1. No two performances are ever exactly the same. So if they're expecting the same thing as last time, I can't guarantee they'll see that.

2. Many times guys will mistake me for other similar models. So it's possible that the last time they are thinking of wasn't me at all!

3. The human mind likes to twist memories, so it's entirely possible that this "last time" they are referring to wasn't actually as good as they remember it to be.

4. I doubt my ability to consistently produce a good product. I have off-days. So even if the last time was me, and was remembered faithfully... can I really live up to the expectations they have now been given from remembering that last time?

5. Sometimes, when a guy really liked the last time, they push a little too hard for it to come out the same way. Which of course kills the magic, since I work best with a little bit of spontaneousness in my shows. (I tried to spell spontinaity, but I don't know how.. x.x) The connection that I sometimes get with the guy on the other end is something that can never be forced, so if he's trying to force it, it just won't happen.

So when a guy makes a big deal out of how great last time was, it makes me uncomfortable, because I'm afraid I won't be able to live up to it for the next performance. Which, of course, means my next one is likely to be slightly wooden and formal, with a bunch of "I'm sorry, but I don't really remember last time. So let's just focus on here and now. What can I do for you tonight?"