Friday, October 19, 2012

Body Image

Like all women, I'm a little self-conscious about my body. I loved the way I looked when I first started camming, but I've been gaining weight. That wouldn't bother me, except for the other problems- the shortness of breath, the lack of energy, the lack of strength and stamina.

So when I say "I want to get in shape", what I mean is:
-I want to be able to dance through the night without running out of breath
-I want to be able to sing again
-I want to be able to lift the boxes that were slightly heavy two years ago and seem impossible now

I do not mean:
-I want to fit into my old clothes
-I want to be skinny/muscular/whatever specific physical appearance

Yes, I would love to fit into my old clothes, and I would love for my thighs to go back to not rubbing against each other, my ass-checks going back to being self-spreading. I'm not holding my breath over those things, and I'm not going to be upset if they don't happen. Instead, my goal is to simply keep myself from blowing up like a balloon, and failing that, I'd like to be in shape, if not a specific shape.

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