Saturday, December 13, 2014

I'm Alive! I promise

Hey guys!

Just thought I'd write to let you know that I am indeed alive. Actually, currently feeling better than ever. I spent the past month actually allowing myself to experience the negative emotions I've been holding back, some since college, some since I was 5. Boy does it feel awesome! I've recognized some of the dissonance between the two different parenting styles which affected me the most (my biological family and my adoptive family), and accepted that I am who I am, and I don't have to feel bad that it's not who my adoptive family wanted me to be.

I also found out that doing housework makes me horny. For sure so far, this includes sweeping and mopping floors, doing dishes, and doing laundry. I have yet to explore vacuuming in this context, or cleannig things like the bathtub, sinks, and counters. I've acknowledged and faced my issues with organizing and with packing. Not sure if they're gone, but I know if they aren't I can get through them. (After the bullshit this past weekend, where I was dealing with a phobia on top of everything that happened with both my mothers... I can handle ANYTHING).

All this means that I feel... at peace with myself. I feel like I can do absolutely anything. I no longer shake when I try to do cleaning. So yay!

I have a part-time job, minimum wage bullshit as usual. As usual, I don't want to talk about it.

Tomorrow, I do have to work at my off-cam job. However, I'll be "home" around 5:15 pm. I intend on getting on MFC for a couple hours for some fun a little after I get "home". I will tweet about it, so watch for me!