So today I was trying to wake myself up. I did the usual, check my email, avoid looking at the forum cause that's what I do later. I decided to follow up my comics. Dominic Deegan is one of my favorites. Since I'm always really sleepy, I always read the entries at the bottom. His linked me to a video that woke me up.
When I was a junior or senior in college, a girl came to speak to us from Uganda about the invisible children. I donated a few dollars, and gave my prayers. This video is about that same issue, which has been going on for 9 years.
If you don't know who Joseph Kony is, if you don't know who the invisible children are, then please watch it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc
I think I'm awake now.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Assumptions and Guesses
This post is about my frustration with the phrase, "don't assume".
First we need some definitions. I'm using Dicitonary.com as my source for these.
assumption [uh-suhmp-shuhn] noun
1. something taken for granted; a supposition: a correct assumption. Synonyms: presupposition; hypothesis, conjecture, guess, postulate, theory.
2. the act of taking for granted or supposing. Synonyms: presumption; presupposition.
3. the act of taking to or upon oneself. Synonyms: acceptance, shouldering.
4. the act of taking possession of something: the assumption of power. Synonyms: seizure, appropriation, usurpation, arrogation.
5. arrogance; presumption. Synonyms: presumptuousness; effrontery, forwardness, gall.
guess [ges] verb (used with object)
1. to arrive at or commit oneself to an opinion about (something) without having sufficient evidence to support the opinion fully: to guess a person's weight.
2. to estimate or conjecture about correctly: to guess what a word means.
3. to think, believe, or suppose: I guess I can get there in time.
verb (used without object)
4. to form an estimate or conjecture (often followed by at or about ): We guessed at the weight of the package.
5. to estimate or conjecture correctly.
Now, when people say that, it's usually based on an assumption. They're assuming that the person who acted improperly has made an assumption which led to that action. What they fail to remember is that we have to make assumptions all the time to get through our day. When we put something down, we assume we'll find it there when we go back. When we greet a friend, we assume they are okay with us being there. When we pay a bill, we're assuming the money we just used is legal tender, and available to us. When we check our balance, we assume the information we just got was correct.
What people who say that really mean is, don't act on an assumption unless you're pretty damn sure it's true. When I've used it in the past, it's been along the lines of "don't assume you know anything about me". I agree with the idea that we can't assume anything about other people. They might be lying to us. They might have changed an opinion or habit since the last time we talked. They might have been pretending to enjoy something for our own benefit. But for our sanity, we have to assume that people are not deliberately deceiving us. Otherwise, society would fall apart.
Oh wait, with how many con artists there are, we can't assume people are what they say. And society is slowly falling apart around us.
First we need some definitions. I'm using Dicitonary.com as my source for these.
assumption [uh-suhmp-shuhn] noun
1. something taken for granted; a supposition: a correct assumption. Synonyms: presupposition; hypothesis, conjecture, guess, postulate, theory.
2. the act of taking for granted or supposing. Synonyms: presumption; presupposition.
3. the act of taking to or upon oneself. Synonyms: acceptance, shouldering.
4. the act of taking possession of something: the assumption of power. Synonyms: seizure, appropriation, usurpation, arrogation.
5. arrogance; presumption. Synonyms: presumptuousness; effrontery, forwardness, gall.
guess [ges] verb (used with object)
1. to arrive at or commit oneself to an opinion about (something) without having sufficient evidence to support the opinion fully: to guess a person's weight.
2. to estimate or conjecture about correctly: to guess what a word means.
3. to think, believe, or suppose: I guess I can get there in time.
verb (used without object)
4. to form an estimate or conjecture (often followed by at or about ): We guessed at the weight of the package.
5. to estimate or conjecture correctly.
Now, when people say that, it's usually based on an assumption. They're assuming that the person who acted improperly has made an assumption which led to that action. What they fail to remember is that we have to make assumptions all the time to get through our day. When we put something down, we assume we'll find it there when we go back. When we greet a friend, we assume they are okay with us being there. When we pay a bill, we're assuming the money we just used is legal tender, and available to us. When we check our balance, we assume the information we just got was correct.
What people who say that really mean is, don't act on an assumption unless you're pretty damn sure it's true. When I've used it in the past, it's been along the lines of "don't assume you know anything about me". I agree with the idea that we can't assume anything about other people. They might be lying to us. They might have changed an opinion or habit since the last time we talked. They might have been pretending to enjoy something for our own benefit. But for our sanity, we have to assume that people are not deliberately deceiving us. Otherwise, society would fall apart.
Oh wait, with how many con artists there are, we can't assume people are what they say. And society is slowly falling apart around us.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Amazon
While Amazon gift cards can't pay the rent, they can pay for new toys and panties so that my paychecks can go towards the rent. So, I have one dude who's paying for shows with them. That's all I really want, since I don't want to go crazy on order stuff while I'm trying to save up for the moves. One dude, one month, is plenty.
Here's what I've gotten using those cards so far, and commentary on each.
For Camming
-Hitatchi knock-off
dude, it's really strong... the lowest setting (1) is like the highest on my favorite vibe, and the second one will probably be as nice as my electric toothbrush. I haven't actually used it for anything, just plugged it in (yes, it's corded, and I wasn't sure when I got it), and put it on. The highest setting (7) made my hand tingle for about two minutes after I turned it off... I doubt I'll go higher than 2 or 3 for the shows. Also, it's HUGE! Like, I knew hitatchi's were fairly big, and that I'm small, but DEAR GOD! You'll see when I can get some pictures. Once I'm done being sick, they will be posted.
-Lelo Mona
To replace the one that broke. I LOVE this vibe, and expect to use it often. I'll try to keep it for strictly on cam this time so it will last longer, but no promises. :P
-Anal Trainer Set
It has three sizes. I got it for the middle one, but the small one will be good for off-days. The big one will be used VERY rarely. You'll understand once I post the pics. It's jelly, so I don't expect it to last very long. I should've read the descriptions- I wanted something a little more permanent. Then again, jelly feels really good in my ass, so these should be awesome. I gave them their own storage box so they don't accidentally melt, and so I don't have to smell them unless I'm about to use them. They stink, and I haven't even tried them out yet.
-pair of really expensive panties
pink bikini cut with black lace trim. The pink is listed in the label. The front: 76% nylon 24% spandex. It looks silky. The back: 91% nylon 9% spandex. It looks mesh, about the type that's usually over those older speakers (for a visual of the hole sizes).
-set of 4 fruit of the loom cotton string bikini cut, random colors chosen by company.
1- blue with white stripes. I plan on wearing that pair first, with the pink mini skirt and cream tank-top.
2- Fuscia with big white polka-dots. It will look awesome with my purple or blue bra. Not sure on the rest of what that outfit will be yet.
3- orange with small white polka dots. This one's gonna have to stay with tank tops, or the white bra, until I can get a bra that goes with orange. I'm thinking pink. They used to have pink in the same style as my blue and purple. Maybe I can get that.
4- brown and white stripes. This is actually a nice chocolate brown, and will look really good with certain shirts and dresses I have. Though, I'll have to stick with the white bra for this one as well.
I'm actually really happy with this set. 3 of the four panties I like, and the other one I can put up with.
-Leather paddle
It's black with a red eye on one side. It has the two layers on part of it for added sting, but it's gentler than my hairbrush. you know what that means? It means longer spankings! I will probably only use the side that doesn't have the eye against my rump, but I might switch it on accident every now and then. At least I won't have to worry about the bristles if I get the wrong side!
Crafty Stuff
For Homemade Collar and Cuff set
-9 buckles
This was an accident. I originally ordered four, then changed the quantity to five, and somehow it added them instead of changing it. They aren't going to work for the cuff set anyway, so I'll have to find some other use for them. (note- the store did give me the option to return them, but I declined saying I'd find a use. I think I already have, more on that below)
-leather punch
It has multiple size punches, and it's not too difficult to change the sizes.
-Xacto-Knife set
in a wooden case and everything! Hooray!
-Rivets
All sorts of sizes, goldish color and silvery color, with the stuff you need to punch them in, minus the hammer.
-Sewing machine Stuff
Needles for leather and heavy-duty thread
For ChainMail Working
-Chainmail rings
These are aluminum, but not finished or anything, so they're kinda dull. I realized that I want would rather have scale mail than chainmail for my clothing, so I'm probably going to use these with the buckles to make chainmail belts.
-Pliers Set
I got mini pliers. They suck. But I now know that I need the ones the set called "Duckbill Flat Nose Pliers". And I need them the normal size that is sold in walmart- gotta find out what size handle that is. Maybe slightly smaller than that, but not by much. I'm probably going to go to an actual craft store for these.
For A Homemade Jewlery Box
I still need: the backs, the hooks, and the hinges. Not to mention rails for the doors. But I figured it would be a long while before I can make the jewlery box that I want. And when I have the money to do so, I will definitely be handing my rough-made one over to a true craftsman to make a pretty version.
Other Stuff (non-crafty, not camming)
Skyrim
I can finally play it legally! Which of course necessitated starting over so I can get the credit for everything through steam. And it's just as buggy as the pirated version was. (See, if I'd never pirated it, I never would've bought this one. Pirating made them money.)
Sony PSP Adapter
So I can stop borrowing my roommate's adapter when I need to charge my psp. Only problem is, since I couldn't charge it, I wasn't really using it much, and I have no clue where it went. Oops.
Neoprene Face Mask
The halfmask, in black. I'll look like a ninja when I wear it! But it stinks real bad, so I'm letting it air out for awhile before I try it out. The point? I like to take walks in the winter. Hopefully, this will work like a scarf without the glasses fogging.
Swiss Army Knife
Always wanted one. My biological father had one, and he was constantly pulling it out to use when we went somewhere. So, I grabbed the Huntsmen, which had most anything I might need if I'm anywhere. Now I just gotta remember to bring my purse.
SkullCandy Headphones
So I can watch videos while he's asleep. Or play games with sound. Basically so I don't worry so much about keeping him up.
Gold/Silver Pokedex
I actually have gold and silver legally. But I never really played them until I got the VBA, which gives me the speed button and the gameshark codes. The speed button is essential. Without it, leveling pokemon takes weeks. With it, it takes about four hours per six. About a full day when you get above level 40. Why the gameshark codes? Can't use the VBA to trade, therefore, if I want to get all the pokemon, I *have* to cheat. My standard- first I do everything I can without cheating. Then I cheat to get the first evolution of the pokemon I can't get cause I can't trade, and those evolutions that only happen from trades. Then I level the ones I just cheated to get for the rest of the evolutions. The goal is to only cheat in the ways that I must in order to finish the game.
Then I go back and cheat the hell of it to get it exactly how I want, a few years later. :P
That's everything I've gotten so far. I have a whole $8 and some change left from the gift cards... and a hella lot of other things I'd like to get.
Random News
I'm getting a payoneer card. Once I have it, I need to get a paycheck on it to confirm that I have it, but after that, you can load it using my email address. I'll post a link to the site here and twitter when I have it. Current ETA is March 20th.
Red week has come and gone, but this sickness just won't go away. Roommate and I are avoiding each other cause we keep passing it back and forth. damnit I hate that. Especially cause I have to leave the door to this room open to avoid overheating issues, and the tub doesn't stop dripping. I keep closing the bathroom door to keep my sanity x.x
I'm tired of being sick. I want to work. If I had a "normal" job, I would've been fired awhile back for being sick all the time. I hate this, and I think it's because of the apartment I live in. No insullation, the kitchen is freezing when it's cold, the rest of the apartment is way too warm when it's not cold outside, and the constant changing temperature and environment seems to be wreaking havoc on my immune system.
The toys from amazon are nice to have, but they won't do any good if I can't get on camera to use them! And my sleep schedule is fucked all to hell, can't seem to fall asleep before 6am, which I know isn't good for me, but neither is lying in bed looking at the ceiling for five hours. UGH!
Please pray for me guys. I don't want to ask for handouts, I just want to get back to where I can earn my keep!
Here's what I've gotten using those cards so far, and commentary on each.
For Camming
-Hitatchi knock-off
dude, it's really strong... the lowest setting (1) is like the highest on my favorite vibe, and the second one will probably be as nice as my electric toothbrush. I haven't actually used it for anything, just plugged it in (yes, it's corded, and I wasn't sure when I got it), and put it on. The highest setting (7) made my hand tingle for about two minutes after I turned it off... I doubt I'll go higher than 2 or 3 for the shows. Also, it's HUGE! Like, I knew hitatchi's were fairly big, and that I'm small, but DEAR GOD! You'll see when I can get some pictures. Once I'm done being sick, they will be posted.
-Lelo Mona
To replace the one that broke. I LOVE this vibe, and expect to use it often. I'll try to keep it for strictly on cam this time so it will last longer, but no promises. :P
-Anal Trainer Set
It has three sizes. I got it for the middle one, but the small one will be good for off-days. The big one will be used VERY rarely. You'll understand once I post the pics. It's jelly, so I don't expect it to last very long. I should've read the descriptions- I wanted something a little more permanent. Then again, jelly feels really good in my ass, so these should be awesome. I gave them their own storage box so they don't accidentally melt, and so I don't have to smell them unless I'm about to use them. They stink, and I haven't even tried them out yet.
-pair of really expensive panties
pink bikini cut with black lace trim. The pink is listed in the label. The front: 76% nylon 24% spandex. It looks silky. The back: 91% nylon 9% spandex. It looks mesh, about the type that's usually over those older speakers (for a visual of the hole sizes).
-set of 4 fruit of the loom cotton string bikini cut, random colors chosen by company.
1- blue with white stripes. I plan on wearing that pair first, with the pink mini skirt and cream tank-top.
2- Fuscia with big white polka-dots. It will look awesome with my purple or blue bra. Not sure on the rest of what that outfit will be yet.
3- orange with small white polka dots. This one's gonna have to stay with tank tops, or the white bra, until I can get a bra that goes with orange. I'm thinking pink. They used to have pink in the same style as my blue and purple. Maybe I can get that.
4- brown and white stripes. This is actually a nice chocolate brown, and will look really good with certain shirts and dresses I have. Though, I'll have to stick with the white bra for this one as well.
I'm actually really happy with this set. 3 of the four panties I like, and the other one I can put up with.
-Leather paddle
It's black with a red eye on one side. It has the two layers on part of it for added sting, but it's gentler than my hairbrush. you know what that means? It means longer spankings! I will probably only use the side that doesn't have the eye against my rump, but I might switch it on accident every now and then. At least I won't have to worry about the bristles if I get the wrong side!
Crafty Stuff
For Homemade Collar and Cuff set
-9 buckles
This was an accident. I originally ordered four, then changed the quantity to five, and somehow it added them instead of changing it. They aren't going to work for the cuff set anyway, so I'll have to find some other use for them. (note- the store did give me the option to return them, but I declined saying I'd find a use. I think I already have, more on that below)
-leather punch
It has multiple size punches, and it's not too difficult to change the sizes.
-Xacto-Knife set
in a wooden case and everything! Hooray!
-Rivets
All sorts of sizes, goldish color and silvery color, with the stuff you need to punch them in, minus the hammer.
-Sewing machine Stuff
Needles for leather and heavy-duty thread
For ChainMail Working
-Chainmail rings
These are aluminum, but not finished or anything, so they're kinda dull. I realized that I want would rather have scale mail than chainmail for my clothing, so I'm probably going to use these with the buckles to make chainmail belts.
-Pliers Set
I got mini pliers. They suck. But I now know that I need the ones the set called "Duckbill Flat Nose Pliers". And I need them the normal size that is sold in walmart- gotta find out what size handle that is. Maybe slightly smaller than that, but not by much. I'm probably going to go to an actual craft store for these.
For A Homemade Jewlery Box
I still need: the backs, the hooks, and the hinges. Not to mention rails for the doors. But I figured it would be a long while before I can make the jewlery box that I want. And when I have the money to do so, I will definitely be handing my rough-made one over to a true craftsman to make a pretty version.
Other Stuff (non-crafty, not camming)
Skyrim
I can finally play it legally! Which of course necessitated starting over so I can get the credit for everything through steam. And it's just as buggy as the pirated version was. (See, if I'd never pirated it, I never would've bought this one. Pirating made them money.)
Sony PSP Adapter
So I can stop borrowing my roommate's adapter when I need to charge my psp. Only problem is, since I couldn't charge it, I wasn't really using it much, and I have no clue where it went. Oops.
Neoprene Face Mask
The halfmask, in black. I'll look like a ninja when I wear it! But it stinks real bad, so I'm letting it air out for awhile before I try it out. The point? I like to take walks in the winter. Hopefully, this will work like a scarf without the glasses fogging.
Swiss Army Knife
Always wanted one. My biological father had one, and he was constantly pulling it out to use when we went somewhere. So, I grabbed the Huntsmen, which had most anything I might need if I'm anywhere. Now I just gotta remember to bring my purse.
SkullCandy Headphones
So I can watch videos while he's asleep. Or play games with sound. Basically so I don't worry so much about keeping him up.
Gold/Silver Pokedex
I actually have gold and silver legally. But I never really played them until I got the VBA, which gives me the speed button and the gameshark codes. The speed button is essential. Without it, leveling pokemon takes weeks. With it, it takes about four hours per six. About a full day when you get above level 40. Why the gameshark codes? Can't use the VBA to trade, therefore, if I want to get all the pokemon, I *have* to cheat. My standard- first I do everything I can without cheating. Then I cheat to get the first evolution of the pokemon I can't get cause I can't trade, and those evolutions that only happen from trades. Then I level the ones I just cheated to get for the rest of the evolutions. The goal is to only cheat in the ways that I must in order to finish the game.
Then I go back and cheat the hell of it to get it exactly how I want, a few years later. :P
That's everything I've gotten so far. I have a whole $8 and some change left from the gift cards... and a hella lot of other things I'd like to get.
Random News
I'm getting a payoneer card. Once I have it, I need to get a paycheck on it to confirm that I have it, but after that, you can load it using my email address. I'll post a link to the site here and twitter when I have it. Current ETA is March 20th.
Red week has come and gone, but this sickness just won't go away. Roommate and I are avoiding each other cause we keep passing it back and forth. damnit I hate that. Especially cause I have to leave the door to this room open to avoid overheating issues, and the tub doesn't stop dripping. I keep closing the bathroom door to keep my sanity x.x
I'm tired of being sick. I want to work. If I had a "normal" job, I would've been fired awhile back for being sick all the time. I hate this, and I think it's because of the apartment I live in. No insullation, the kitchen is freezing when it's cold, the rest of the apartment is way too warm when it's not cold outside, and the constant changing temperature and environment seems to be wreaking havoc on my immune system.
The toys from amazon are nice to have, but they won't do any good if I can't get on camera to use them! And my sleep schedule is fucked all to hell, can't seem to fall asleep before 6am, which I know isn't good for me, but neither is lying in bed looking at the ceiling for five hours. UGH!
Please pray for me guys. I don't want to ask for handouts, I just want to get back to where I can earn my keep!
Friday, February 10, 2012
My Pussy
My pussy is pink. It is small, because I am a small person. My outer Labia are big. My inner labia are small. The hair on my pussy grows slowly, and is very light so the camera has a hard time picking it up. My pussy hair appears mostly blonde, with brown and red highlights, when it's long enough. On the camera, it appears as a yellowish discoloration on my pussy. My pussy has freckles, which sometimes I mistake for hair that's not properly shaved.
When I was six, my biological mother touched it for a moment. I had asked what "it" felt like, it being sex, but I didn't know that's what it was called at the time. It was part of my "where do babies come from" talk, while waiting for my bath.
When I was eleven, I discovered that if I imagined sex, it would tingle in a way that made me feel like I had to pee.
When I was thirteen, I fell on it. I was on a jungle gym, and my brother put his hand where I needed to put my foot. I couldn't go back. I couldn't go forward. I tried to extend and put my foot somewhere else, and missed, and hit his hand. He pulled his hand back and yelled. I slipped and was up in the air for a moment, then landed with the metal bar between my legs, my pussy getting all my weight in the form of a fall. This resulted in a small cut just inside my inner labia. There was a lot of blood, so we know that it was from three sources- my first period, the cut, and my cherry being popped.
when I was 14, I discovered that using tampons extended my period by three days. I theorized that tampons were reopening my cut, and stopped using them.
When I was 15, I swore off the sexual fantasies.
When I was 19, a man touched it for the first time.
A few months later, his dick was inserted for the first time.
When I was 22, I started masturbating.
When I was 23, a different man cam in it for the first time.
To this day, only three people besides myself have touched it. And only one man has ever cum in it.
When I was six, my biological mother touched it for a moment. I had asked what "it" felt like, it being sex, but I didn't know that's what it was called at the time. It was part of my "where do babies come from" talk, while waiting for my bath.
When I was eleven, I discovered that if I imagined sex, it would tingle in a way that made me feel like I had to pee.
When I was thirteen, I fell on it. I was on a jungle gym, and my brother put his hand where I needed to put my foot. I couldn't go back. I couldn't go forward. I tried to extend and put my foot somewhere else, and missed, and hit his hand. He pulled his hand back and yelled. I slipped and was up in the air for a moment, then landed with the metal bar between my legs, my pussy getting all my weight in the form of a fall. This resulted in a small cut just inside my inner labia. There was a lot of blood, so we know that it was from three sources- my first period, the cut, and my cherry being popped.
when I was 14, I discovered that using tampons extended my period by three days. I theorized that tampons were reopening my cut, and stopped using them.
When I was 15, I swore off the sexual fantasies.
When I was 19, a man touched it for the first time.
A few months later, his dick was inserted for the first time.
When I was 22, I started masturbating.
When I was 23, a different man cam in it for the first time.
To this day, only three people besides myself have touched it. And only one man has ever cum in it.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Golden Shower and Other Dirty Stuff
WARNING: The following post contains things that may be considered too much information for some people.
The first part is about my first ever golden shower. The second, is about shit. The third part is about anal. Enjoy.
---GOLDEN SHOWER---
(this is probably not gonna be as sexy as a lot of you hoped, but it will be accurate. ^_^)
He asked me when I was going to take a shower, with the camera in his hand. I muttered through a bunch of things, and finally agreed that I could take the shower before we went on errands. His response was "good, cause I can't hold it all day"
That's when I was clued in to it being my first ever golden shower. I muttered some more and then said I was ready to do it then. So, I stripped my clothes off in the bedroom, then went to the bathroom, pulled the shower curtain totally out of the way, and knelt in the tub. A bit later, he entered.
I fiddled with my positioning. He took aim, and it started. The first bit hit me a little high, so some of it got in my mouth. The first thing I noticed was the smell. First piss of the day always has a strong smell. The second thing I noticed was the strength. Damn a lot of piss was coming out all at once! The third thing I noticed was the taste. Some of it got in my mouth. Very salty, and a little... well, there's a reason they say bad beer tastes like piss.
Then I noticed the warmth. Just about then, it diminished and stopped for a moment. then it picked back up. He mentioned that I didn't seem to be enjoying it. I said that I was, and made an effort to actually let my enjoyment show. I started acting like it was raining lotion, rubbing it in to my skin. A few more starts and stops later, and it was a long pause. I wondered if it was actually done. He put the camera away, and said I could've done more or talked more. I said I didn't know what to do- every golden shower vid I've watched the girl didn't do more than what I did, and proceeded to take my shower.
End story.
----SHIT----
Taking a shit as a model who does anal shows is a bit different than taking a shit as a normal person.
Let me explain. As a normal person, if I'm having trouble squeezing that last little bit out, no big deal. Wipe off whatever's easily accessible, and off I go.
As a model who accepts anal shows (currently only with a finger in my ass), I don't want any shit up there. So if there's a little bit that's giving me trouble, and I'm going to be on camera soon, I scrunch my face, tense every muscle in my body and force that last little bit out! I don't want to stick my finger up there and touch it!
So yeah, that's all I was gonna say about that.
----ANAL----
I was telling a friend the other day, anal with real dicks is difficult to get right. I figured it out using a toy. There are two methods. One is slow, involves no pain, and only mild discomfort. The other is quick, involves a bit of pain at the beginning, but after that all is well. And both require a lot of lube. Not just spit either. I use equate personal lubricant. It's a jelly consistency, and has no glycerin to mess with urinary tracts. I actually prefer it to the other types I've tried, which were all too watery for me.
THE SLOW METHOD
Start with one finger, when that is nice and comfy, slowly add another. And another. When you've gotten at least all four, if not your whole hand in, you can handle a dick.
THE "QUICK" METHOD
put the tip of the dick in the asshole. Pull out. Wait for the pain to subside and relaxation of the anal muscles. Repeat as often as necessary until there is no pain. Then insert slowly, and go to town!
A FINAL NOTE
Gentlemen, if you are afraid of getting shit on your dick, DO NOT DO ANAL. You being uptight about it at all could make the girl nervous. If the girl is nervous, she will be tense, and it will hurt. You want the girl as relaxed as possible. Do whatever she needs to help her relax.
---END TMI---
For those of you who read, I appreciate it. For those of you who didn't, no hard feelings.
The first part is about my first ever golden shower. The second, is about shit. The third part is about anal. Enjoy.
---GOLDEN SHOWER---
(this is probably not gonna be as sexy as a lot of you hoped, but it will be accurate. ^_^)
He asked me when I was going to take a shower, with the camera in his hand. I muttered through a bunch of things, and finally agreed that I could take the shower before we went on errands. His response was "good, cause I can't hold it all day"
That's when I was clued in to it being my first ever golden shower. I muttered some more and then said I was ready to do it then. So, I stripped my clothes off in the bedroom, then went to the bathroom, pulled the shower curtain totally out of the way, and knelt in the tub. A bit later, he entered.
I fiddled with my positioning. He took aim, and it started. The first bit hit me a little high, so some of it got in my mouth. The first thing I noticed was the smell. First piss of the day always has a strong smell. The second thing I noticed was the strength. Damn a lot of piss was coming out all at once! The third thing I noticed was the taste. Some of it got in my mouth. Very salty, and a little... well, there's a reason they say bad beer tastes like piss.
Then I noticed the warmth. Just about then, it diminished and stopped for a moment. then it picked back up. He mentioned that I didn't seem to be enjoying it. I said that I was, and made an effort to actually let my enjoyment show. I started acting like it was raining lotion, rubbing it in to my skin. A few more starts and stops later, and it was a long pause. I wondered if it was actually done. He put the camera away, and said I could've done more or talked more. I said I didn't know what to do- every golden shower vid I've watched the girl didn't do more than what I did, and proceeded to take my shower.
End story.
----SHIT----
Taking a shit as a model who does anal shows is a bit different than taking a shit as a normal person.
Let me explain. As a normal person, if I'm having trouble squeezing that last little bit out, no big deal. Wipe off whatever's easily accessible, and off I go.
As a model who accepts anal shows (currently only with a finger in my ass), I don't want any shit up there. So if there's a little bit that's giving me trouble, and I'm going to be on camera soon, I scrunch my face, tense every muscle in my body and force that last little bit out! I don't want to stick my finger up there and touch it!
So yeah, that's all I was gonna say about that.
----ANAL----
I was telling a friend the other day, anal with real dicks is difficult to get right. I figured it out using a toy. There are two methods. One is slow, involves no pain, and only mild discomfort. The other is quick, involves a bit of pain at the beginning, but after that all is well. And both require a lot of lube. Not just spit either. I use equate personal lubricant. It's a jelly consistency, and has no glycerin to mess with urinary tracts. I actually prefer it to the other types I've tried, which were all too watery for me.
THE SLOW METHOD
Start with one finger, when that is nice and comfy, slowly add another. And another. When you've gotten at least all four, if not your whole hand in, you can handle a dick.
THE "QUICK" METHOD
put the tip of the dick in the asshole. Pull out. Wait for the pain to subside and relaxation of the anal muscles. Repeat as often as necessary until there is no pain. Then insert slowly, and go to town!
A FINAL NOTE
Gentlemen, if you are afraid of getting shit on your dick, DO NOT DO ANAL. You being uptight about it at all could make the girl nervous. If the girl is nervous, she will be tense, and it will hurt. You want the girl as relaxed as possible. Do whatever she needs to help her relax.
---END TMI---
For those of you who read, I appreciate it. For those of you who didn't, no hard feelings.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Warning
THE FOLLOWING POST MAY CREEP SOME OF YOU OUT.
I have discovered that I really like tentacle porn. I mean, really like it, as in it makes my clit throb like it.
I have also known for awhile that I like watching consensual pain. Not real torture, where the person in pain didn't want it. But where the person goes in smiling, and smiles at the end saying that it was awesome or great or something. Or obviously staged rape scenes. mmm But again, I need to know that it was consensual. Watching something too realistic, where I can't tell it was a staged scene, no good. Can't get in to it. Best kind is when the person is doing it to themselves, second best is when they sit mostly still while it's done to them, and they're not struggling at all. Flinching is fine, that's a natural reaction even when you're expecting it.
I guess the reason I can watch tentacle rape where it's not obvious the girl is enjoying herself is cause it's obviously fake. Kinda like how I can watch rape hentai and not be bothered, cause it's a cartoon.
ALSO
Today (well, at this point, yesterday afternoon... but I still count it as this morning, damn it!), I had my first golden shower. I liked it. It was filmed, but it has to pass his approval before I can sell it. I do plan, however, on writing out the experience. I'll let you all know how that goes.
See you later!
I have discovered that I really like tentacle porn. I mean, really like it, as in it makes my clit throb like it.
I have also known for awhile that I like watching consensual pain. Not real torture, where the person in pain didn't want it. But where the person goes in smiling, and smiles at the end saying that it was awesome or great or something. Or obviously staged rape scenes. mmm But again, I need to know that it was consensual. Watching something too realistic, where I can't tell it was a staged scene, no good. Can't get in to it. Best kind is when the person is doing it to themselves, second best is when they sit mostly still while it's done to them, and they're not struggling at all. Flinching is fine, that's a natural reaction even when you're expecting it.
I guess the reason I can watch tentacle rape where it's not obvious the girl is enjoying herself is cause it's obviously fake. Kinda like how I can watch rape hentai and not be bothered, cause it's a cartoon.
ALSO
Today (well, at this point, yesterday afternoon... but I still count it as this morning, damn it!), I had my first golden shower. I liked it. It was filmed, but it has to pass his approval before I can sell it. I do plan, however, on writing out the experience. I'll let you all know how that goes.
See you later!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Recipe
Okay, so, I love this recipe. I love it so much, I gotta share it.
Before I do, the original is in the book "Fix-it and ENJOY-IT! cookbook" by Phyllis Pellman Good, on page 103, called Polynesian Chicken. Claims to make 6 servings.
Here's what you need:
6 chicken breast halves
1 onion, sliced (recipe calls for rings, I do thin half-rings)
1 can of sliced peaches (normal size can, 16 oz or so)- drained
1 can of dark sweet cherries (again, 16 oz or so)- drained
1 cup sweet-and-sour sauce
1 cup barbecue sauce (original)
1 glass bake pan (first time, I used a small square one, and it overflowed a bit, but was fine. Second time, I did it their way in a large rectangular one, and it was fine, but the chicken was really dry. But I always find chicken dry when cooked right. Third time, I did it my way in the large rectangular one and DAMN THAT'S GOOD)
Now, the way I make it is a bit different than the way the recipe says. It says to layer everything in the bottom of the pan in order, then pop it covered in the oven for 30 minutes followed by uncovered for 45 minutes, all at 350 deg.
The way I do it, bake time is the same. BUT, I cut the chicken into 1 inch cubes, then layer everything but the sauces. I mix the sauces outside the pan. I've done it to the recipe after having done it my way once, and I have to say, I like my way better.
Why share this here? Because I made it two days ago, and I"m having it for leftovers today, and damn, it's good. I love this recipe!
Before I do, the original is in the book "Fix-it and ENJOY-IT! cookbook" by Phyllis Pellman Good, on page 103, called Polynesian Chicken. Claims to make 6 servings.
Here's what you need:
6 chicken breast halves
1 onion, sliced (recipe calls for rings, I do thin half-rings)
1 can of sliced peaches (normal size can, 16 oz or so)- drained
1 can of dark sweet cherries (again, 16 oz or so)- drained
1 cup sweet-and-sour sauce
1 cup barbecue sauce (original)
1 glass bake pan (first time, I used a small square one, and it overflowed a bit, but was fine. Second time, I did it their way in a large rectangular one, and it was fine, but the chicken was really dry. But I always find chicken dry when cooked right. Third time, I did it my way in the large rectangular one and DAMN THAT'S GOOD)
Now, the way I make it is a bit different than the way the recipe says. It says to layer everything in the bottom of the pan in order, then pop it covered in the oven for 30 minutes followed by uncovered for 45 minutes, all at 350 deg.
The way I do it, bake time is the same. BUT, I cut the chicken into 1 inch cubes, then layer everything but the sauces. I mix the sauces outside the pan. I've done it to the recipe after having done it my way once, and I have to say, I like my way better.
Why share this here? Because I made it two days ago, and I"m having it for leftovers today, and damn, it's good. I love this recipe!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Moving
There so much stuff! No wonder I'd rather just settle down. Packing and sorting all this stuff is so exhausting, yet what else can I do? I'm required to keep records of my expenses for seven fucking years in case the IRS decides to audit me. There's all sorts of pictures from my childhood. There's a million clothes, and a bunch of toys and lingerie. And heirlooms. These are not things that should be in an apartment, where they burden me every time I move! These are things for someone who has settled down, someone who lives in a house. Do I want the house because I hold so much stuff, and am sick of moving it? Or do I hold so much stuff because I want a house, and am trying to force myself to get one?
Part of me longs for the freedom of the road. For the ability to pick everything up and move on a moment's notice, and not have to worry about where money comes from or what dangers I might face on the way. Part of me longs for the security of a house, to connect to the roots that extend far past me in both families, adoptive and biological. A place I can call my own, and never worry about anyone taking it away from me. A place I can hold all my stuff.
Nicest, I think, would be both. To have the money to have a home base where I spend most of my time, but twice a year travel to far off places, and experience different cultures. But that seems as futile to me as longing for a culture in which a person is accepted as they are, no matter what they are, without trying to change them with medicines and other such shit. Trying to "fix" their minds or emotions, instead of letting them live every glorious and painful moment. As long as they don't hurt anyone but themselves, who cares? Why care?
I care about the truth. I care that people take care of other people's things. But only because other people's things cost money, and I now know just how hard it is to earn money for things other than necessities. And it makes me sick, just how much money makes this world go around. It makes me sick, how much control money has over our government.
America is a government that is supposed to be run BY THE PEOPLE, FOR THE PEOPLE. And yet, our government decided to make corporations people. So now, it's run by the businesses, for the businesses. And that makes me sick.
Part of me longs for the freedom of the road. For the ability to pick everything up and move on a moment's notice, and not have to worry about where money comes from or what dangers I might face on the way. Part of me longs for the security of a house, to connect to the roots that extend far past me in both families, adoptive and biological. A place I can call my own, and never worry about anyone taking it away from me. A place I can hold all my stuff.
Nicest, I think, would be both. To have the money to have a home base where I spend most of my time, but twice a year travel to far off places, and experience different cultures. But that seems as futile to me as longing for a culture in which a person is accepted as they are, no matter what they are, without trying to change them with medicines and other such shit. Trying to "fix" their minds or emotions, instead of letting them live every glorious and painful moment. As long as they don't hurt anyone but themselves, who cares? Why care?
I care about the truth. I care that people take care of other people's things. But only because other people's things cost money, and I now know just how hard it is to earn money for things other than necessities. And it makes me sick, just how much money makes this world go around. It makes me sick, how much control money has over our government.
America is a government that is supposed to be run BY THE PEOPLE, FOR THE PEOPLE. And yet, our government decided to make corporations people. So now, it's run by the businesses, for the businesses. And that makes me sick.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
UpDate and Move
So, here's what's up...
Those two weeks of being in pain really killed my finances. I have to scramble to keep up. I'm tired of trying to scramble, I'm tired of this state. I miss the state I graduated in. I'm tired of fighting with my partner about how his family takes all the time he needs to keep up with his responsibilities at home. I'm tired of all that shit. I'm tired of the gray atmosphere this town has. We have decided to move.
Now, best case scenario: we move with everything here taken care of. That will be at the beginning of April. This is what it would take:
Feb & March Rent: $950
Electricity: $300
Gas Utility: $350
Internet: $300
Car Payments: $400
Gas in Car: $500
Laundry: $100
Food On Trip: $100
Cell Phones: $200
Rent a Truck & Trailer: $1,000
(one of our cars is too broken to make the drive without repairs, but the repairs would cost $2200)
Gas in Truck: $450
Rent & Deposit: $800
Hotel: $400
Emergency: $300
-----
$6150
Worst Case Scenario:
We leave with bills about to shut off, but enough money to take everything with us. Going by Late March:
Feb Rent: $450
Electricity: $120
Gas Utility: $170
Internet: $150
Car Payments: $400
Gas in Car: $500
Laundry: $100
Food On Trip: $100
Cell Phone: $100
Rent a Truck & Trailer: $1,000
(one of our cars is too broken to make the drive without repairs, but the repairs would cost $2200)
Gas in Truck: $450
Rent & Deposit: $800
-----
$4340
Since this means earning a lot of money really quickly, I need to focus on Streamate. But you can help! If you send money to my chipin, you'll receive the password to my thank you album on MFC, as well as your choice of any picset. And if we get enough the whole amount before it's time to leave, I can leave off streamate and cam on MFC for awhile. ^_^
Just send money here, and only say "for the move".
http://evematteo.chipin.com/moving
Those two weeks of being in pain really killed my finances. I have to scramble to keep up. I'm tired of trying to scramble, I'm tired of this state. I miss the state I graduated in. I'm tired of fighting with my partner about how his family takes all the time he needs to keep up with his responsibilities at home. I'm tired of all that shit. I'm tired of the gray atmosphere this town has. We have decided to move.
Now, best case scenario: we move with everything here taken care of. That will be at the beginning of April. This is what it would take:
Feb & March Rent: $950
Electricity: $300
Gas Utility: $350
Internet: $300
Car Payments: $400
Gas in Car: $500
Laundry: $100
Food On Trip: $100
Cell Phones: $200
Rent a Truck & Trailer: $1,000
(one of our cars is too broken to make the drive without repairs, but the repairs would cost $2200)
Gas in Truck: $450
Rent & Deposit: $800
Hotel: $400
Emergency: $300
-----
$6150
Worst Case Scenario:
We leave with bills about to shut off, but enough money to take everything with us. Going by Late March:
Feb Rent: $450
Electricity: $120
Gas Utility: $170
Internet: $150
Car Payments: $400
Gas in Car: $500
Laundry: $100
Food On Trip: $100
Cell Phone: $100
Rent a Truck & Trailer: $1,000
(one of our cars is too broken to make the drive without repairs, but the repairs would cost $2200)
Gas in Truck: $450
Rent & Deposit: $800
-----
$4340
Since this means earning a lot of money really quickly, I need to focus on Streamate. But you can help! If you send money to my chipin, you'll receive the password to my thank you album on MFC, as well as your choice of any picset. And if we get enough the whole amount before it's time to leave, I can leave off streamate and cam on MFC for awhile. ^_^
Just send money here, and only say "for the move".
http://evematteo.chipin.com/moving
Friday, January 6, 2012
The Pain, Oh the Pain!
My shoulder heals best when I avoid things that make it tense. Hence, this will be a brief post.
For those who were sent here by trying to pm:
Due to the avoidence of typing after I make this post, please do one of the following things:
-for an immediate reply, ask in public with your sound on. I will not be typing a response anytime soon.
-if you have patience and it's a private matter, send me an mfc mail. I will reply when my shoulder has gotten better.
-if you have no sound or wish a private reply, and have no patience to wait, then there is nothing I can do for you.
-I will not be doing any group or private shows until my shoulder can tense without pain. Cumming first causes all muscles to tense, so I cannot do that, and without being able to cum, what's the point of a group? With my shoulder as it is, I dare not give over control as is needed in a private.
UPDATE ON SHOULDER:
To illustrate what is happening with my shoulder, I will use numbers. Higher is more pain, but it does not show anything but what the pain is.
Let's say Monday was a 10 in pain. Tuesday was then a 6, Wendesday was an 8, Thursday was a 2, and today is a 4. So you see, the shoulder gets better, then worse, then better, then worse, but never as bad as it was.
To put it into perspective, on New Years Eve, I was taking 600 mg of Ibuprofen every 3 hours. The next day, it was every 5 hours. The day after, every 4 hours. Eventually, I got some icy-hot. Two days ago, I had to apply the icy hot twice and take one dose of ibuprofen before bed. Yesterday, I didn't need anything. Today, I used the icy hot once so far, will probably need to again before I'm done on camera. Tomorrow, I expect not to need anything, and barely feel any pain or tension. Sunday I'll probably need the icy hot to get through camming, but wouldn't need it otherwise.
My room is a mess. My apologies for its state while I cam today.
For those who were sent here by trying to pm:
Due to the avoidence of typing after I make this post, please do one of the following things:
-for an immediate reply, ask in public with your sound on. I will not be typing a response anytime soon.
-if you have patience and it's a private matter, send me an mfc mail. I will reply when my shoulder has gotten better.
-if you have no sound or wish a private reply, and have no patience to wait, then there is nothing I can do for you.
-I will not be doing any group or private shows until my shoulder can tense without pain. Cumming first causes all muscles to tense, so I cannot do that, and without being able to cum, what's the point of a group? With my shoulder as it is, I dare not give over control as is needed in a private.
UPDATE ON SHOULDER:
To illustrate what is happening with my shoulder, I will use numbers. Higher is more pain, but it does not show anything but what the pain is.
Let's say Monday was a 10 in pain. Tuesday was then a 6, Wendesday was an 8, Thursday was a 2, and today is a 4. So you see, the shoulder gets better, then worse, then better, then worse, but never as bad as it was.
To put it into perspective, on New Years Eve, I was taking 600 mg of Ibuprofen every 3 hours. The next day, it was every 5 hours. The day after, every 4 hours. Eventually, I got some icy-hot. Two days ago, I had to apply the icy hot twice and take one dose of ibuprofen before bed. Yesterday, I didn't need anything. Today, I used the icy hot once so far, will probably need to again before I'm done on camera. Tomorrow, I expect not to need anything, and barely feel any pain or tension. Sunday I'll probably need the icy hot to get through camming, but wouldn't need it otherwise.
My room is a mess. My apologies for its state while I cam today.
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