Lord of the Rings
"Advice is a dangerous gift, even from the wise to the wise, and all courses may run ill." - Gildor (FOTR- Book I Chap. 3 Pg 114)
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us."- Gandalf (FOTR- Book I Chap 2 pg 76)
"Courage is found in unlikely places." - Gildor (FOTR- Book I Chap. 3 Pg 114)
"Dangerous! And so am I, very dangerous: more dangerous than anything you will ever meet, unless you are brought alive before the seat of the Dark Lord. And Aragorn is dangerous, and Legolas is dangerous. You are beset with dangers, Gimli son of Glóin; for you are dangerous yourself in your own fashion." -Gandalf (TTT- Book III, Chap. 5, Pg. 122)
"Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger." - Gildor (FOTR- Book I Chap. 3 Pg 114)
"Good and ill have not changed since yesteryear" - Aragorn (TTT Book III Pg. 48)
"Eavesdropping, sir? I don't follow you, begging your pardon. There ain't no eaves at Bag End, and that's a fact." - Sam (FOTR- Book I Chap 2 pg 90)
"I don't keep water in my pockets." - Frodo (FOTR- Book I Chap 3 pg 101)
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."- Bilbo (FOTR- Book I Chap. 1 pg 51)
"I don't know how you feel with small rag-tag dangling behind you; but the rag-tag is tired and would be glad to stop dangling and lie down." -Merry (TTT- Book III Chap 11, Pg. 228).
"I never blamed you for your welcome to me. How could I do so, who have so often counseled my friends to suspect even their own hands when dealing with the enemy." -Gandalf (TTT- Book III Chap 5 Pg. 121)
"It is hardly possible to separate you from him, even when he is summoned to a secret council and you are not." - Elrond (FOTR- Book II Chap. 2 Pg. 325)
"It is perilous to study too deeply the arts of the Enemy, for good or for ill." - Elrond (FOTR- Book II Chap. 2 pg 317)
"'It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door,' he used to say. 'You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to.'" - Frodo/Bilbo (FOTR- Book I Chap 3 pg 102)
"Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. For even the very wise cannot see all ends." - Gandalf (FOTR- Book I Chap 2 pg 85)
"Sheep get like shepherds, and shepherds like sheep, it is said; but slowly, and neither have long in the world." - Treebeard (TTT- Book III Chap 4 Pg. 84)
"Short cuts make long delays." - Pippin (FOTR- Book I Chap. 4 Pg 118)
"So many strange things have chanced that to learn the praise of a fair lady under the loving strokes of a Dwarf's axe will seem no great wonder." - Eomer (TTT- Book III Chap. 2 pg 49)
"There must be someone with intelligence in the party." – Pippin, referring to himself (FOTR- Book II Chap 3 Pg. 326)
"We are all friends here. Or should be; for the laughter of Mordor will be our only reward, if we quarrel." -Gandalf (TTT, Book III, Chap 6, Pg. 136)
"You should have been the king's jester, and earned your bread and stripes too, by mimicking his counsellors." -Gandalf (TTT- Book III, Chap. 10, Pg. 220)
"(Elrond)'For you do not yet know the strength of your hearts, and you cannot foresee what each may meet upon the road.' 'Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens,' said Gimli. 'Maybe,' said Elrond, 'but let him not vow to walk in the dark, who has not seen the nightfall.' 'Yet sworn word may strengthen quaking heart,' said Gimli. 'Or break it,' said Elrond." - (FOTR- Book II Chap. 3 Pg. 336)
"(Aragorn)'Look, my friends!,' he called, 'Here's a pretty hobbit-skin to wrap an elven-princeling in! If it were known hobbits had such hides, all the hunters of Middle-earth would be riding to the Shire.' 'And all the arrows of all the hunters in the world would be in vain,' said Gimli." - (FOTR- Book II Chap 6 Pg. 398).
Douglas Adams
The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide
“How to Leave the Planet… <steps 1-4 involve phone calls, many of which would be overseas>... 5. If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing flying saucer and explain that it’s vitally important you get away before your phone bill arrives.”(xi)
“nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change,” (5)
“The thing that used to worry him the most was the fact that people always used to ask him what he was looking so worried about.” (7)
“Can we also assume that he’s going to be staying here all day? So all your men are going to be standing around all day doing nothing? Well, if you’re resigned to doing that anyway, you don’t actually need him to lie here all the time do you? So if you would just like to take it as read that he’s actually here, then he and I could slip off down to the pub for half an hour.” Ford Prefect, (14-15)
“Here’s what the Encyclopedia Galactica has to say about alcohol. It says that alcohol is a colorless volatile liquid formed by the fermentation of sugars and also notes its intoxicating effect on certain carbon-based lifeforms. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. It says that the effect of drinking a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick. The Guide also tells you on which planets the best Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters are mixed, how much you can expect to pay for one and what voluntary organizations exist to help you rehabilitate afterward. The Guide even tells you how you can mix one yourself… The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy sells rather better than the Encyclopedia Galactica.” (17)
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.” (18)
“This must be Thursday, I never could get the hang of Thursdays.” Arthur Dent, (19)
“avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a mind-bogglingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can’t see it, it can’t see you- daft as a brush, but very very ravenous)” (21)
“If [humans] don’t keep on exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working.” (35)
“Who, the man with the five heads and the elderberry bush full of kippers?” Ford (56)
“Ford, you’re turning into a penguin. Stop it.” Arthur (58)
“The point is that I am now a perfectly safe penguin, and my colleague here is rapidly running out of limbs!” “It’s all right, I’ve got them back now.” Ford, Arthur (58)
“We are now cruising at a level of two to the power of two hundred and seventy-six thousand against and falling, and we will be restoring normality just as soon as we are sure what is normal anyway” Trillion (58)
“Ford! There’s an infinite number of monkeys outside who want to talk to us about this script for Hamlet they’re worked out!” Arthur (59)
“We have normality... anything you still can’t cope with is therefore your own problem. Please relax. You will be sent for soon.” Trillion (61)
“He was mechanically inept and could easily blow the ship up with an extravagant gesture.” (62)
“This fact may safely be made the subject of suspense since it is of no significance whatsoever.” (82)
“I talked to the computer at great length and explained my view of the Universe to it... it committed suicide.” Marvin (142)
“In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.” (149)
“I don’t know, but when I find him, he’d better have a good reason for me wanting to see him.” (178)
“Bloody hell,” said Majikthise, “now that is what I call thinking. Here, Vroomfondel, why do we never think of things like that?”
“Dunno,” said Vroomfondel in an awed whisper; “thin our brains must be too highly trained, Majikthise.”(115)
“Anything that happens, happens. Anything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Anything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again. It doesn’t necessarily do it in chronological order, though.”
There is a theory which states that if anyone ever discovers exactly what the universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaces by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another which states that this has already happened.
Only twenty minutes ago, he had decided he would go mad, and here he was already chasing a Chesterfield sofa across the fields of prehistoric earth.
Info on the Universe: 1. Area. Infinite. Bigger than the biggest thing ever seen and then some. Much bigger than that in fact, really amazingly immense, a totally stunning size, real “wow, that’s big,” time. Infinity is just so big that, by comparison, bigness itself looks really titchy. Gigantic multiplied by colossal multiplied by staggeringly huge is the sort of concept we’re trying to get across here. 2. Imports: None. It is impossible to import things into an infinite area, there being no outside to import things in from. 3. Exports: None. See imports. 4. Population: None. It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination. 5. Monetary units: None. In fact there are three freely convertible currencies in the Galaxy, but none of them count. The Altarian Dollar has recently collapsed, the Flainian Pobble Bead is only exchangeable for other Flainian Pobble Beads, and the Triganic Pu has its own very special problems. Its exchange rate of eight Ningis to one Pu is simple enough, but since a Ningi is a triangular rubber coin six thousand eight hundred miles along each side, no one has ever collected enough to own one Pu. Ningis are not negotiable currency, because the Galactibanks refuse to deal in fiddling small change. From this basic premise it is very simple to probe that the Galactibanks are also the product of a deranged imagination. 6. Art: Non. The function of art is to hold the mirror up to nature, and there simply isn’t a mirror big enough- see point one. 7. Sex: None. Well, in fact there is an awful lot of this, largely because of the total lack of money, trade, banks, art or anything else that might keep all the nonexistent people occupied. However, it is not worth embarking on a long discussion of it now because it really is terribly complicated. For further information see Guide Chapters seven, nine, ten, eleven, fourteen, sixteen, seventeen, nineteen, twenty-one to eighty-four, and in fact most of the rest of the Guide.
Valdemar Series
By the Sword
"Seems like the moment religion enters into a question, people's brains turn to mush. Messy wars and messy thinking. Messy thinking causes messy wars." (348)
"If the enemy is within firing range, so are you" (439)
"Professionals are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs" (478)
Shin'a'in Curses
May you get exactly what you deserve
May your life be interesting
Shin'a'in Sayings
A slighted friend is more dangerous than an enemy
Friendly fire isn't
Don't make judgement calls; you might find yourself on the other end of one
Dune
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see it`s path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
Terry Prachett’s Diskworld series
Maskerade-
“But I don’t believe in reincarnation!”… reincarnation believes in you. Pg. 109
“Money don’t buy happiness, Gytha.” “I only wanted to rent it for a few weeks.” Pg. 198
Witches Abroad
- the main argument against trousers is that everyone can see where her legs are
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